It's one of those milestone birthdays... One that you supposedly see approaching and are filled with a feeling of dread. Thirty is definitely an adult... A decade of responsibility. But in all honesty, I can't say I've really been that phased as its approached. I guess I've just been so wrapped up in busyness since Jonas' birth, that really turning 30 hasn't even crossed my radar.
Yet suddenly we're here.
And I'm kind of excited about it.
My twenties have been a decade of adventures, milestones and big life events. Somehow, in my twenties, I seem to have had the opportunity to pack in a whole lifetimes worth of amazing experiences! I've lived abroad, directed and produced two children's theatre musicals, graduated from university, spent a year working for the church, got married, done a PGCE, taught in a fabulous school in a job that I loved, bought our first house, had three children, started this blog and set up my own little business. Just reading that makes me feel exhausted!
It's been fabulous, and I've loved every second of it... But I'm ready for a decade of a little more calm I think!
And somehow, as my thirties stretch before me, I'm excited for a decade of embedding. If my twenties were all about new adventures, my thirties will hopefully be about entrenching in them. Investing in my marriage, raising these children of ours, learning how to be a better housewife and Mama, establishing my little business, and seeing where this blog will take me. I don't know what this next decade holds, but whereas many may think of the prospect of a more "settled" decade with dread, I'm more than up for it!
Because my twenties haven't just been about exciting experiences, they've held huge life lessons for me too. I am not the person I was when I was twenty... Of course I'm still the same old optimistic, over-enthusiast who finds it really hard to say no, but I think (hope!) I'm more levelled than I was. The Lord has allowed us some tough side-roads that have moulded and changed us. He's taught me a lot about myself, a lot about our marriage, a lot about what matters in life, and most importantly, a lot about himself.
On my twentieth birthday, I knew that God held my life in his hands. I knew he had a plan for me. I knew it because of the faithful teaching of my parents, my church and many wonderful friends and youth leaders. I knew it in my head...
But my twenties has taken me and my little family down some dark roads, and I've had to watch others who I love wander even darker paths... And I've known... REALLY known him carefully leading us through those dark valleys. Not just in my head, but in my heart, in my tears and in my inmost being.
With a newborn Ava in 2011
This decade has taught me that life is wonderful... That this world is a beautiful place with so much to offer... But it is broken, scarred, and ultimately incapable of bringing me peace and satisfaction in the core of my being.
Only God can, and does, do that.
So I don't really know what my thirties will hold... Perhaps they will end up being even more adventurous than my twenties (oh help!!)... But I do know that I can enter them with complete peace and dependence upon the one who holds ALL my decades in his hands.
Thank you Father for thirty years of life.