It's like January resolutions again, only somehow I always have more oomph.
I feel easily overwhelmed by stuff. It's an issue I'm increasingly discovering about myself. Busyness doesn't overwhelm me for the most part... I thrive on activity and I revel in pockets of stillness.
But "stuff" bothers me. Stuff is the clutter of life. Whether it be the piles mounting at the bottom of my staircase, or the thoughts that clutter up my mind. Things I haven't done, have done, should have done. Disorganisation stresses me. And of late I've felt disorganised.
I power through because I have to... as a mother of four young children, I can't afford to allow the clutter to pull me down, but sometimes I just want to chuck everything... clear it all. Start fresh without all the STUFF we own.
Clear the diary. Have the space and the time to sort my life out once and for all.
In my heart of hearts I think that if the clutter was gone... both the literal, and the metaphorical, my life would be sorted.
And that's when the penny drops. The little lie that has weaved its way into my thinking. That somehow a minimalist lifestyle will be the answer to all my problems. That somehow a clutter free home would make me happy. That somehow a clear mind would make life worth living.
And yet experience, and time has taught me that I am never satisfied. That the achievement of my goal will only dangle another before me, just out of reach. Always striving for that sense of achievement and satisfaction and never quite getting there.
That is - until I stop striving, stop reaching... and rest.
Rest in the one who says "It is finished! It is done! Don't seek your satisfaction in the things of this world... lift up your eyes!"
Somehow, when my gaze lifts from all the "stuff" to the giver of life, my perspective re-aligns, my frantic mind feels free, and somehow my mind clears and I can think.
Gone is the pressure to be all that I want to be. Gone is the pressure to have the perfect home. Gone is the pressure to feel in control.
And without that pressure, suddenly there is freedom... to strive and reach without feeling the weight of failure.
Oh how glad I am to have Jesus!