Yesterday was another difficult day. We had had a fabulous
night. Heidi had slept well and had only needed paracetemol once in the night
to curb her temperature. When they took her temperature 7 hours later, it was
37. I felt a flood of relief. She
was bright and chirpy and chatty and the rash had all but disappeared. We were
on the home straight.
And then yesterday afternoon happened. Slowly I watched
those red blotches reappear on her knees and elbows and her little face heating
up. She burnt to touch. Her temperature was back up to 39.4, after some
ibuprofen and a couple of hours, it had crept even higher.
I felt a wave of disappointment. I had felt such hope. She
cried herself to sleep in my arms in the end… the contented and cheery nature
of the morning long forgotten. When I felt her little head relax on my shoulder
and laid her down I left the room and let the tears flow as I watched her
through the window.
“Are you OK?” one of the nurses asked.
How do you answer that question? I lied. I answered in the
truly British form “I’m fine” I couldn’t do anything else without turning into
a blubbery mess.
In the afternoon Ava arrived, and for an all too short hour,
I allowed myself the luxury of getting sucked into child play – the happy
little squeals of a little girl delighted by the offerings of a children’s ward
playroom. We drew, we made cups of tea and cooked potatoes (?!) in the kitchen
and explored the delights of the sensory room. I miss her.
By the evening, Heidi seemed more herself again… I even
nearly got her first giggle (but not quite) and she smiled and chattered with
her ragdoll. She has fed well. That is a good sign.
The doctors are still uncertain as to what our little lady
is fighting, and so it’s difficult for them to prescribe the right stuff. David
has been a rock - driving backwards and forwards to hospital with everything we
need, caring for Ava and just being the emotionally strong one, while trying to
carry on with work as normal. My Mum, as always, has been irreplaceable. Ava is
able to carry on in her own merry little world because David and my Mum give
her that stability. I am so grateful to God for both of them.
The antibiotics do not seem to be working; the blood samples
and 101 other samples they have taken are “not growing anything” which all points
to a very nasty virus. They can’t do anything for viruses. We just have to wait
it out and let Heidi’s little body rage the battle while we do everything we
can to monitor her and give her respite when we can.
I have been utterly overwhelmed by the level of support we
have felt through this – thank you SO much to every single one of you. I know I
haven’t personally replied to everyone’s texts, Facebook messages, tweets,
comments and emails, but we are so grateful to God for every single prayer,
well wish, offer of help, visit and thoughtful gesture. We feel truly upheld by
you all, and that is such a comfort.
I will keep you posted. Pray for good news today.
Cx
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