Friday 5 May 2017

Feed. Sleep. Repeat // The Neverending Cycle


I am always struck by the intensity of the newborn phase. I'm sure God designed it purposefully that way... The forging of that deep maternal-baby bond through the utter dependence of that littlest person. It is relentless in its persistence and its beauty. Elias is utterly reliant. And I am utterly at his mercy. We are two individuals inextricably linked at the moment. It's almost as though his little premature body is still part of mine. Just as it should have been, had he gone to full term (still two and a half weeks until his official due date!)

We are comfortably in that early days pattern... Sleep. Feed. Repeat. Although wake time is beginning to become part of his daily routine, it is utterly mind blowing how much these little ones need to sleep. And given his early arrival, Elias particularly so. So much growth to do. So much energy used in feeding that he sleeps from one feed right through to the next. If only I could join him!

We are adjusting well to our new normal. My Mum has been helping with school runs and general child supervision while I get back on my feet. The girls are easy... They are so familiar with our daily routine that school days run like clockwork. Even Jonas is adapting wonderfully and has been super cooperative (which was the concern) - climbing in and out of his highchair/cot as requested. So far so good. But it is reassuring to have Mum there ready for the one occasion where he does not cooperate, as I am utterly incapable of physically following through on anything with him right now (as I still can't lift him). The first two days without Dave have flown by, but I won't deny I'm looking forward to a slower paced weekend!


All in all, this newborn/post-op recovery phase is a wonderful lesson in humility and weakness and laying my pride aside. It is not a lesson that comes easily to me. I like to feel in control, like to look like I have it all together.

But right now I don't. And I'm learning it's OK to ask for and accept help.

In fact, it's a wonderful thing.

Our church family have rallied around - we still have meals delivered daily for another two weeks - and while I'm eager to be handling the reins again - cooking and cleaning and caring for the children myself - I'm also savouring this little season where I can rest up and fully focus on my main priority right now...

Sleep. Feed. Repeat.

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