But she was brave. And a trooper. And quietly took it all in with those big blue eyes.
We returned out to the waiting area... this part of the hospital was unknown to us, and yet being surrounded by other mothers who have walked the same road... by other small kawasaki survivors was both humbling and wonderful. Sharing our stories was nothing short of therapeutic, and talking with those who really got what we were talking about... so precious. One child had had KD 11 years ago, another only 3 short weeks ago. Some were very much in the danger zone... some were long past. It was surreal but wonderful... and there was a definite camaraderie and understanding. Bound together by a common thread... the fact that we nearly lost our children to this awful disease. And yet there was hope. And thankfulness. We were the survivors. We had chatted lots before we had gone in and found out the news about the Left Anterior... now my mood was a little more sombre...
Because as we stepped out of that Echo I now felt nervous. We sat in a corner, I hugged her to me and I prayed. Prayed thankfulness that even if we did have to go back on medication, God was faithful... we'd had a window of opportunity where chicken pox was not risky for her... she'd caught it, it was over with, so going back on meds would have less of the terror than it did in the early days... but still it seemed like a step backwards...
"Are we going to have to keep on walking this road for many years to come Lord? Do you still have more to teach us?" The questions flowed...
When we returned to the Professor my heart was in my mouth... but he greeted us with a beaming smile.
"Our news is good"
Oh the joy those words brought. As I listened, my own tension relaxed. I truly couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Heidi's arteries look normal. The non-uniformity of her coronaries not visible to the naked eye anymore, aneurysms (which were medically described as "giant aneurysms" are now no longer in existence.
I nearly wept.
I scribbled everything down around a colour-printed labelled diagram of a heart and couldn't stop thanking them (as though they were the ones who did it!)... but honestly, it was truly such a gift of news and one which all the doctors thought impossible.
But we know the one who makes the impossible, possible!
We walked out on cloud nine; my rosey-cheeked, blue eyed girl and I, and hurried into the nearest bathroom - the only privacy we were likely to find! We hugged and prayed - thanking God for his faithfulness, thanking him for providing this gift of what appears to be a "healthy" heart.
Her heart will always be vulnerable, and the Doctors will always be cautious... our little ladies heart took a major beating. The echoes and ECGs and check ups will continue for her whole life... but we are so far from the dark place we started this journey in.
I sit here writing this unbelievably thankful, but also very aware that the story can be so very different. The shadow of Kawasaki will always hover over us... but as time goes on I'm seeing that in the heat of the fire is where the growth happens... that when life is hard is when we truly lean on God.
There is beauty in the brokenness
Mercy can be severe
Our weakness is his strength.
Thank you for your prayers... our prayers continue that ALL our children will have hearts that are spiritually well... hearts that know and love the Lord Jesus and are filled with his Holy Spirit.
We are so grateful for each one of you.
Thank you for walking this journey with us... truly, this community has been such a support and gift to us.
We're not at the end of the road yet, but we're in a very different place. And we are so incredibly thankful.
Please continue to pray for our Heids.