I've shed a fair few tears this week. And I've made a LOT of phone calls to Doctors and Nurses and Medicine Teams. And I have prayed countless prayers. The nagging little voice in the back of my mind that calls me to bitterness and resentment and envy... it's been there, whispering away. And yet I know that is a pointless route. A route that will gnaw away at my heart and destroy our little family, and most of all, wreck my relationship with the one who has been our steadfast, unshakable rock throughout this whole journey. Jesus, my Saviour.
So how do you cope with anxiety that hits you every time you hear of another stomach virus, another bug? How do you reconcile your natural over-protectedness as a mother with the need to allow your baby to grow up with normality? How do you begin to fathom that this could be 'the way it is' for the rest of Heidi's childhood? Someone asked me that yesterday, and the answer is, I don't know.
I just don't know.
But there are some things I do know.
I do know someone who in the midst of my anxiety calms my heart and gives me unexplainable peace. I do know someone who loves Heidi even more than I do. I know someone who has all of us carefully in His hands and I know someone who has planned every day of our baby girl's life before one of them came to be.
Most of all, I know He is GOOD and He is SOVEREIGN and He has this. He HAS it.
What wonderful, sweet, quenching water to my soul. I just need to cast all my anxiety on Him...
Please pray for us this winter. And please pray for protection for this gorgeous bundle of fun...