In many ways, these past months have been the rainbow after the storm. Our baby girl is here. She is a bundle of fun. She is a chubby ball of cuteness. She is alive and kicking (literally!) Her good morning, four-toothed, gummy smile is the best welcome at the start of the day. And boy do I love her.
But yesterday was a hard day. We live in the shadow of Kawasaki every day... And every bug poses a threat to our little one. But there are two viruses that pose a particular threat: flu and chicken pox. And yesterday we found out that Heidi had been in contact with someone who had it.
Everything comes crashing down.
That's when the rubber of your faith hits the road. I got home from my friends and settled the girls for their naps. I came down the stairs and fell to pieces. The risk for Heidi of chicken pox, flu and any fever is an awful illness called Reyes Syndrome. Don't google it. I can't even allow my head to go near that territory. It terrifies me.
I sat on the sofa and I cried and all those emotions of the last six months just surfaced all over again and for a split second, I allowed fear to grip me and the what ifs became overwhelming. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. And then my wonderful mum came and held me and prayed for me and our darling girl. Sharing the burden helps so much.
When she had gone I sat down, more at peace, and opened my Bible and through those words The Lord spoke to me and calmed my anxious heart. He is good. He is sovereign. He is Here. And he is in utter control. He loves our Heidi more even than me. And he holds her in his hands.
Yesterday evening we got the all-clear. It seems the chicken pox was a scare. Relief flooded me and I have cried more tears. Tears of thankfulness that we are spared. In three and a half weeks Heidi will get her chicken pox vaccine and I can breath more easily.