Monday 27 January 2014

A discovery...

I feel your prayers tonight. Physically upholding me as I scan, with welled-up eyes, through the paperwork. Paperwork that in cold medical terms relives those early days of Heidi's KD; the emotional turmoil, the fear, the ache that never fully disappears...

I choke, sucking in breath, as I realise anew that whatever the outcome of tomorrow is, our baby girl will likely always have a weakness... Those arteries are not the strong firm tunnels they once were... Even if healed, they are in all likelyhood looser, more elastic, weaker and therefore she is more likely to develop heart problems in the future. 

One little rash, and a shadow was cast.

At times like this I feel overwhelmed. Emotions raw. The questions simmer under the surface... The old familiar whys and what fors...

And it hurts. I won't lie.

But then I lift up my head and the tears flow as I grasp, weakly, for thankfulness. And gradually this wearied heart becomes strengthened anew at the realisation that never once, in this ordeal, have we ever been alone. That the one who makes and designs the intricacies of the human body holds our baby girl and delights in her. That we have been counted worthy of the honour of parenting this darling bundle of joy, that we have been given the gift of precious life lessons this past year, that we have had the Saviour walk every step of this road with us; over us, holding us, accompanying us, carrying us, leading us, backing us.

And a smile breaks through again.

Tonight I have made a discovery. Whatever tomorrow holds, I see now it will not be the end of the story. The underlying anxiety of Kawasaki's shadow will always threaten to reign. This is a path we are to tread a little longer... Perhaps a lifetime longer.

But I'd rather tread a dark path with my Saviour than an easy one without.


  1. Beautiful Claire. I have been listening to a Matt Redman song today which is so apt for you. It's called 'Never Once' - do you know it? The words and music are incredible, I know you will love it....

  2. It's hard to think that this disease can cause such a whirlwind of emotions and potential damage! I really hope and pray that she heals completely and doesn't have any long term issues. I wish this for all the KD survivors.


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