Inspiring?

Inspirational people are people who achieve amazing things... Go after their dream and pursue it without looking back. They are strong, they are independent, they are go-getters. They are always positive and always optimistic.

Well, that's what the world would have you think, anyway.

And that's why I nearly fell off my chair when I got the email on Wednesday, telling me this little blog has been shortlisted as "inspiring" for the Brilliance in Blogging awards.

Because I'm not the person I described above.

I'm your bog-standard, run-of-the-mill girl, figuring out this parenting thing as I go along. And when life got tough this past year? When life continues to be tough with a baby with health issues? I'm not strong... I have swung between feeling sick with fear and snatching glimmers of hope; doubting, and trusting; crying and clinging. I've not been inspiring. I continue to ask those big questions: Why us? Why our baby? Will God ever bring healing? Can I trust Him to take care of our little one? And I continue to wish those "If onlys..."

Because as the month of May closes in around us again, it's all brought back with horrifying recollection. One year since it all began. I haven't forgotten a single moment of that awful time... I know I never will. Sometimes I still lie in bed at night and shudder at the memory of last May and June. And the bleak July days too when we first came home. When the sun scorched down on us, but joy was far from my heart. When I woke up every morning, gazed over at my beautiful baby asleep in her Moses basket, and felt my heart sink.

You see, I don't feel inspirational because I didn't choose this path... And if I'm honest, though I utterly trust God's goodness and sovereignty, I know I still wouldn't choose this path for our baby girl if I could go back and do it all again. Maybe when I'm the other side of heaven, I'll finally see it all clearly.

This journey is one we've been thrown on... And we've ridden the ride. Clutching on for dear life. Clinging to the one who is our inspiration. The one who has been my rock through all of this.

He's the inspiration, not me.

My Jesus. My Saviour. My rock and my refuge.

My shelter in the storms.

He is.

I'm just your bog-standard, run-of-the-mill girl, figuring out life in Him.

And the more I got to thinking, the more I realised that perhaps that's what people are hungry for.

Bog standard. Run of the mill. Figuring things out as we go along. Clinging to the Saviour when life gets messy. When things unravel. When all your hopes and comforts and life as you knew it, get thrown away in a ten minute Echo scan on Rose Ward at the Royal Brompton Hospital.

Because that's real life.

And sometimes we do get hit by the truck of tragedy, of heartache...

And how on earth are you supposed to carry on?

Well. That's what this blog is. It's an honest account of life unravelled. An honest account of the beautiful peaks, and the despairing depths.

And if you've found that inspiring... More importantly, if you've found Him inspiring, then thank you for nominating this little space on the web. I'm honoured, humbled and grateful. Truly. From the bottom of my heart.

So if you'd like to vote for the blog to get to the finalist stage - the final six - then please click on the link below, and tick the box for "Clarina's Contemplations" under the Inspire category.

Your support and encouragement is so appreciated.

Soli Deo Gloria.