Oh my... what a month so far... I feel like we've been swept along in a whirlwind that just hasn't really stopped! Life has been insanely busy... all lovely, lovely things, but crazy nonetheless! This past week I was out at events and meetings every evening... and on two of those evenings I was meant to be in two places at once!
Life on the homefront with the children hasn't been much quieter. I feel like we're all still adapting to the school routine. It seems we are always on the move, often hurrying along somewhere, and I miss the long, quiet days before school kicked in. Even on the afternoons where we don't have swimming lessons or church group, the time is so short. By the time we're home, de-coated, snacked up and homeworked out, there's only half an hour or so before I have to start with the dinner preparations.
Time is so very precious.
I'm cautious of the whirlwind. It sucks the air out of my lungs and pushes us along life at break-neck speed. I want to enjoy these days with my children. I want to live simply. Live purposefully. Have time to soak and savour, to have deep-and-meaningfuls over hot-chocolate with marshallows, to listen to "Pippi Longstocking" on CD, paintbrushes in hand, to read book after book after book without clock-watching, to give my children space to be and play imaginatively while I potter round getting bits of housework done. I want to have time to soak in Scripture with them, to pray meaningfully for and with them, to give my brain space to ponder where the children are at and how to help them to grow... to spend time with my husband, chatting about life, having a laugh... not dashing past each other in the evening.
The whirlwind pulls you away from all of that.
I'm not very good at saying no... I never have been... but more and more I'm realising that I need to recognise my capacity, and remember the reason I pulled out of work in the first place. Sometimes you get so caught up in all the action, that its only when you pause for a split second you realise you've got too many plates spinning at once, and if you don't act quickly, there's going to be some almighty crash.
The problem is, sometimes it feels overwhelming... where do you begin to say no? Where do you put the boundaries? How do you tread the line between over-committing, and not committing enough?
How do you make sure you make time to "Be still and know" God in the hectic craziness of life?
How do you find balance between family time and social time?
How do you "do" motherhood, without constantly feeling that you're doing something wrong?
There are so many voices in my life right now - with conflicting messages. I need some space to strip them all back and listen to the one voice that counts.
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-13