And then on Tuesday night, Mastisis hit, and I was back to square one. It utterly crippled me... I could barely make it out of bed all day, I felt weak and couldn't do anything for the big children. It took all my energy just to care for little Elias. I honestly haven't felt so weakened, so ill and so utterly incapacitated in such a long time... despite all the trauma of the past few weeks, this left me feeling worse than anything surrounding Elias' birth! Perhaps it was the unexpected nature of it all, perhaps the disappointment when I had seemed so close to well...
As I type, I am recovering... ever grateful for modern medicine and the wonder of antibiotics. Thankful for hot showers and cabbage leaves!
It has been yet another reminder that motherhood weakens you in every way - emotionally vulnerable, physically battered... and yet every ounce of challenge is worth it. Even when I'm laid up in bed with Mastisis, it's worth it.
Because being humbled is beauty; it makes us rely on the strength-giver, it reminds me of my own weakness and draws me to lean on the Saviour.
Two steps forward, one step back.