Intense...

It's easy to forget the intensity of life with a newborn... However many times you've been there before, the constancy of a three hourly routine takes you by surprise. Tiredness can feel overwhelming, the feeding cycle never ending, and daily chores like cooking and cleaning an impossibility.

The first time you do it, you feel it most intensely... That terrifying realisation that you will never be your own person again... Your heart is now inextricably tied up to someone else's and the freedom of no responsibility is gone forever. These first few weeks can feel relentless, and terrifying and exhausting.

But with experience comes perspective. These first few weeks are not a phase to be resented, or hurried through. They hold their own special treasure.

And I think with each child, I've learned to enjoy these early days more and more.

The quiet of a feed while sunlight pours through the window

The softness of that brand new skin

That new baby scent

The tiny gulps of a newborn feeding

The deep depths of newborn eyes

Tiny fingers and tiny toes

The joy of watching older siblings delighting in "their baby"

Moments to reflect in the deep of the night

Of course, the reality is that these golden moments are surrounded by a thousand nappy changes, toddler tantrums, constantly jolting yourself awake and questioning yourself on everything... It's not all roses...

But it is unique, and special and precious. Never again will this little man be so utterly dependent on me as he is now. 

And I intend to savour every minute of it.

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