Dear Heidi... You're four!

For our gorgeous Heidi girl...

You are four! And with that right of passage, you make the transition from toddler to little girl... though in reality it feels like you did that a long time ago. You are our fun-loving, high-energy, life-and-soul-of-the-party girly girl and we all love you to bits. No-one has the power to make us laugh in the way you do... your hilarious comments, comedy expressions and cheeky wit cheer us all.

Dear Ava... You're 4!!!

Dear Ava... You're 4!!

Can it really be that my little baby girl, the one who made me a Mama is FOUR already?! In so many ways, I find it so hard to believe that we are here already... That people weren't lying when they told you to cherish the little years because THEY REALLY DO FLY BY! But then I look at you and realise you really are growing up.

You are no longer our little baby so needy for everything, no longer our questioning toddler... You are a proper little girl... In every sense of the word! You love dresses, pretty hairstyles, Princesses and playing Mamas and Papas. You are vivacious and enthusiastic... Always up for trying new things, always friendly and welcoming. Confident in your own skin and kind-hearted... Sweet-natured and eager to please. How do I attempt to sum up your character in this short letter? There are so many aspects to your character... 

And I love to spend time with you. Not just because I have to because I'm your Mama... But because genuinely you are just such a great little friend. I love listening to your chatter... Your thoughts on life. I love it that we can have deep and meaningfuls already, and also that we share private jokes. I love the way you catch my eye across the dinner table when Heidi says something funny, and the way you look out for your little brother and sister. They are so fortunate to have you.

Of course, you have typical four-year-old moments too... You have a bit of a stubborn streak (inevitable, given that it's carried by both of your parents!) and are learning self-control when things don't go your way. Oh my Ava... These will be lifelong lessons (take it from someone who knows!!)

But the thing that brings me most delight, Ava, is your softness to the gospel. Your Papa and I love to hear you pray... Such sincere, genuine prayers... And I am always challenged by your simple faith. You pray expectantly, something that I need to grow in. You are open about following Jesus, and unafraid to ask hard questions. Our hope and prayer is that this early faith will grow as you do, and that you will find your hope and strength in Jesus.

I thank God every day for you my darling girl. I know we both have our moments... But we are learning together... You are learning how to grow up into a kind, caring, responsible grown-up, and I am learning how to be a kind, caring, responsible Mama. You are our forerunner. Everything is new with you... And we won't always get it right. The adventure of "first times" is one of the advantages of being the eldest, but also one of the challenges. Mama and Papa don't have the wisdom of experience yet... You are giving it to us, and that means we will mess it up sometimes. It isn't always easy, but this year's been a good one, and as we've moved out of those trying twos, it's been fun to see your character and personality unfold.

You are my precious big girl, my little friend, my eager helper; my eldest daughter.

I couldn't love you more if I tried.

Happy Birthday Ava M

Love,

Mama xxx

Baby Tales {One month}

ONE MONTH! Where did that time go?! My little boy... you are growing before our very eyes! You are loving your milk, loving your cuddles and putting on weight like there's no tomorrow! You are over 12lbs already!

You are so very good, and got yourself into a little daytime routine almost immediately. You settle yourself off to sleep and I love watching you through the crack in our bedroom door as you lie in your Moses Basket, swaddled up and watch those big blue eyes begin to bob.

You stare so intently, taking the world in with this little serious frown on your face, but at the weekend, I got my first proper smile... just me and you, getting your pyjamas on, and while your Mama chatted away and cooed at you, you gave me the best gift a little boy can give his Mama... a gorgeous little smile. I will treasure that one little Jonas.

We are figuring out the nights together: you do wonderfully from 7pm until 3ish... we're still figuring out the sunrise hours. Its hard for a little one to figure out he's still meant to be sleeping, when the sun pours in and the birds are calling out "wake up! wake up little one!" but we'll get there. You can go 4 hours easily at night without a feed, so there's no reason to think we won't manage 3am - 7am soon enough. Its all part of the newborn experience...

And that's just it... slowly but surely, we are waving goodbye to our newborn. You really don't look like a newborn anymore. You have a little baby face with cheeks that are filling out, and thighs that are ever growing, and big blue eyes that are becoming less and less sleepy, and more and more alert. But then you go and do that little curl up thing, and your little head wobbles unsteadily while you hold it so determinedly, and I remember how little you still are.

My little baby boy.

I couldn't love you more Jonas... and I'm so very, very glad you're here.

Happy One Month Birthday!

Mama xxx

Dear Heidi... You're two!

My Schnucki...

My fun-loving, cheeky, little snuggle-bunny! You are two... TWO!!! In my mind you're still my baby...  but you are so much beyond that baby stage now... you talk in full sentences, you sit and do puzzles for hours, you play make-believe with your sister... you have opinions and have no problem making them known... and I feel, slowly but surely, we are heading into that toddler territory where Mama is having to make boundaries clear and you are beginning to try and push them ever so slightly.

You are such a delight to us... our little comedian. You love nothing more than to make us laugh, and you're pretty good at being funny. You're our little drama queen; reenacting scenes from Frozen, pulling the most hilarious facial expressions and singing and dancing to your heart's content.

Those days of hospitals and drips and night-watches seem so long ago... and I'm so thankful to God for the precious gift you are to us. I think I cherish every day that little bit more just because of that journey we went on together... we are still walking that road together as a family, but you are so full of life and boundless energy that those days where it was all fresh and new and intense seem long gone.

You are still our food monster. You LOVE your "cheerios" (the name given to Cheerios, Branflakes, Cornflakes and any other type of cereal) most of all. I think if you could, you'd have cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And probably for snacks too. But really any food will do. You have a hearty appetite, and that warms your Mama's heart.

You adore your big sister. You ask after her every day when she's at Nursery, and when she exits her classroom door, you throw yourself at her full force. You are learning how to wind her up too though. You like to climb on her when she's trying to watch TV, or to mess up her puzzles... but most of the time, the two of you play beautifully together, and you are now learning to share with her in the same way she has been sharing with you these past two years. She is a wonderful big sister... cherish her, look up to her, love her just as you do.

And now we enter your third year, and a whole new adventure is going to begin... you are going to be not only a little sister, but also a big sister. You adore babies and are so gentle and sweet with them. I can't wait to introduce you to your little brother/sister. I see you with your dollies... how carefully you tend to them... and I know you're going to be a wonderful big sister, just like Ava has been to you.

I love you my darling Heidi... I'm so very, very thankful to be your Mama. But even as full as my love for you is, I know there is one who loves you even more than I do. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much, he sent his Son for you... to bring you life in all its fulness... to enable you to know joy, real joy, and peace that penetrates even the darkest pits of life.

So my Heidi, as you grow into that little personality of yours, we continue to pray most of all that your little heart will be soft to Jesus, and that while you are still small, you will call him your Saviour. 

We love you so very, very much!

Happy birthday darling girl!

Mama and Papa xxx

Dear Ava... Off to Preschool!

To my beautiful Ava M,

This day seems to have crept up on me. I have known it was coming for so long, and then suddenly it was only a few days away... and now its today. You are so very excited. You could talk all day long about your teachers and your classroom and your little friend Sophie, and you haven't even started yet! After three years of us three girls at home together, you are stepping out into the big wide world all on your own for the first time.

I am so very proud of you, Ava. Of your sensitive heart and your caring nature. Of your inquisitive mind and creative hands... I know you will thrive in Nursery class. You may be the youngest in the class, but I know you'll do just fine. You've had to grow up a little quicker than most the past eighteen months; becoming a big sister when you were still just a baby yourself, and then dealing with the emotional trauma of that dark season when you barely saw your Mama and your baby sister for a month. You have always shown such resilience... and we are so proud of the caring, loving little girl you are becoming.

Of course you have your moments, and they will no doubt raise their head in Nursery too, but you are eager to please, and most importantly, you want to honour God. I find it amazing all that your young mind can comprehend and understand in your own little way... a little faith, a young faith, but I praise God that that is all that is needed.

I am praying that this year will be wonderful preparation for your transition to big school next year, I'm praying that you will learn lots in Nursery... perhaps not so much letters and numbers and forming words, but rather what it means to put others before yourself, to share well, to care for those who are a little bit different to everyone else. You're a sensitive little soul - not in the sense that you cry easily, but in that you seem to notice how others are feeling (something you've inherited from your beloved Papa - not like your oblivious Mama!) and I love that about you. You see someone is sad, and you want to make it right for them... however you can.

So I am not putting mascara on this morning because I think there will be a few tears on my part... not because I want to stop time, or I'm regretting any of this... because I know this is so right for you... but just because I'm so very thankful to have had these three years of every day ordinariness with you, my Ava. And a little part of me is sad to say goodbye to the all-day, everyday intensity of being with you... a little part of me is afraid of allowing other people to become important to you... because I know this road eventually heads to your independence.

And I'm just not ready for that yet.

But I'mm praising God I don't have to be.

This next chapter is a journey too... and I'm so excited to share it with you Ava!

Lots and lots of love,

Mama xx