Under the Weather Days...

We've been fighting off an array of coughs and colds and sore throats round here. Somehow we've managed not to succumb to them yet (I thank daily multivitamins for that!) but they've been lurking, hovering and threatening... One little weak spot in the immune system and they'll make their move.

And so we took it easy for a few days last week. Reigned things in, took a step back. On Thursday Heidi stayed home with me instead of going to her usual playgroup with my Mum, and turns out it was just the medicine we needed.

Thursday's are usually my bloggy day. With only Jonas around (who sleeps most of the morning) they're my opportunity to write, plan, answer emails and connect with the blogging world. But this Thursday, I put the laptop to one side and spent the morning playing with my littlest girl.

I make no secret of the fact I'm a big believer in independent play.... On giving a child some space and allowing their imaginations to run wild, but guess the downside to that is that sometimes I can go a week without sitting down and actually playing with my children.

So on Thursday, our under-the-weather day, we played. We read stories, sang along to our favourite CD, played with the dolls house and did puzzles. We ran a bath and my two littlest giggled and splashed in a warm, soapy paradise. We tickled and cuddled and had a blast. And it was bliss. I loved every minute of it, and was reminded again what a privilege it is to be at home with these littles of mine. I'm so thankful.

We're all on the mend now (for now at least) but I was thankful for a break in our normal routine just to step back and havie some fun with these little people of mine.

Sometimes home days are the best days.

When the Washing Up can wait...

I'm a big believer in seasons of life; in the idea that there are stages of life where things adapt and change, when things look a bit different... there have been seasons where the middle of the day has been wiped out by nap time, there have been seasons where I've not been able to go away for weekends, or even days, due to feeding babies, and there are seasons where even getting out of my pyjamas, or having a shower has been an event requiring a plan of military precision.

But I'm also conscious that all too often I have used these "seasons" as an excuse.

Anyone who reads my blog regularly will know I'm a christian. Not in the sense of a church-going, good-deed-doer, socks and sandals type (although I do try and do those things - excepting the socks and sandals!), but in the sense that I am able to have a living, real, genuine relationship with Jesus Christ. Not because I'm super special, or holy, or particularly good, but purely because I realised quite a few years ago that without him I am utterly lost (you can read more about that here...)

But like any relationship, that takes work.

In this particular season, the newborn season, its easy to go days, weeks, or even longer without investing in that relationship... without spending time with God. That may sound weird and spiritualistic, but its genuinely not. Spending daily time with God involves reading His words (the Bible), talking to Him (praying), sharing my heart, my worries, my hopes and cares...

When I picked up my Bible last week, I realised it had been a very long time since I had sat down and spent time in the quiet: just reading, pondering, reflecting, journalling.

I had had excuses... three children 3 and under, a newborn, up in the night, waking early, no space during the day to stop without a small person around me until 7.30pm, then the busyness of housework and get-togethers. If anyone could claim to have an excuse, then surely me?

But as I thought about it, I realised that it wasn't true to say I have had no space in my day... my Instagram and Facebook will account for that. My blog, the outcome of hours of work writing and taking photographs, tells the story that there is space in my day for what I prioritise.

Somewhere along the line, time with God had dropped down the priority list.

So on Thursday, when Ava had gone off to school, my Mum had taken Heidi out for the morning, and I had put Jonas down for his nap, I sat down at the kitchen table and breathed. Space. Real space.

Across in the kitchen sink was a pile of dishes, soaking in hot bubbly suds and calling to be washed. In the lounge, a Disney Princess puzzle lay half-strewn across the floor. Upstairs in the wash basket was a load of clothes ready for a trip to the washing machine. I readied myself for action, and then I paused.

As a Mum of three youngsters, the work is never done... there will always be more to do...

I had the opportunity here and now... in this space to let the dishes soak a little longer, the puzzle stay out until little hands returned to play with it again, and a load of washing that wouldn't be harmed by waiting 20 minutes...

And so I got up, pulled out my Bible and read. And prayed. And spent time doing what I always love to do, never regret doing, and yet so often put off...

And I realised... whatever the season... the washing up can wait.

Back to my Roots...

This past weekend, I headed back to my roots. Back to that lush, green Irish grass and that dark, rich soil. Back to the place of childhood memories, of family reunions of generations of personal history. Back to say goodbye.

It was a sad but thankful group of people who gathered on Saturday afternoon to pay their respects to my Grandfather; a celebration of a life well lived... A man who was loyal, determined, faith-filled and a lover of nature. As I listened to the stories of my Uncles and Aunts I was struck that somehow death allows you to know someone better... To hear the memories of others and see people from different perspectives. I had always just known him as my Grandad and had never paused to consider he was also a Father, brother and son...

Somehow it made me more determined that ever to soak up those family stories while I can from those who live on, so they can be passed too from generation to generation.

                       

But there is something particularly poignant and special about earthing that family history in reality... And so, after the funeral, some of the children and grandchildren headed back to the place where it all began... The farmhouse in which my Great-Grandfather was born. A small farmstead with a train line running above it, the only means of timekeeping the family had.

In the dimming light of sunset, the scene was breathtaking.

Síx children, seventeen grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren. We were not all there, but this little group represented the legacy that my grandparents have left behind them. And there was something particularly special about being there, in that place, as the sun dipped below the horizon.

And as we picked at the grassroots of our own family history, we remembered a man who had passed so many of those stories down to us.

And I felt honoured to be a part of this family.

Me and Mine {August}

August has been our month of holidays... we have been away more than we have been a home, but somehow have managed to keep things ticking over without messing up Jonas' routine too much - Phew!

It has been a month of birthdays... I had two WONDERFUL surprises... the first was my parents unexpected arrival in Norway, and the second was a little do with my gorgeous girlies on Friday night... more on that later this week! Ava had a wonderful 4th birthday in the Norwegian sunshine, and celebrated with a fairytale party today... hence how late this post is!!

I have been up to my eyeballs in Fairytale cake; straw, sticks and bricks and building Grandma's cottage (it will all be up on the blog in the next couple of days!!!)

ANYWAY...

Here's what we've been loving in August...

Ava (4 years!)
- Birthdays
- Colouring in
- Trying out new hairstyles
- Baking Bread Rolls with Bestemor
- Her new Rapunzel dress

Heidi (2 years, 5 months)
- fresh raspberries
- Princess Sofia figurines
- singing at the TOP of her lungs
- cuddles with Jonas
- becoming potty trained (at last - yippee!)

Jonas (2 months)
- Milk
- Sleep
- Milk
- Cuddles
- Milk

Mama
- Surprise parties
- Norway sunshine
- Planning birthday parties
- Time with my little family
- Scandinavian shopping

Papa
- Jumping in the fjord
- Time with family
- Norway
- Planning surprise parties
- Watching LOTS of football on TV

And here we all are, on Ava's birthday, in our beautiful Norwegian haven, enjoying sun-kissed time with family and natures most glorious beauty!!

I have LOVED August... it has been a perfect month of settling into life with Jonas, and enjoying my last few weeks of freedom before school comes along. I have LOVED being a Mama to preschoolers, and cannot quite believe we are waving goodbye to that little chapter. From now on our days will be dictated to by drop-offs and pick-ups, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready...

But my big girl is, and that's all that matters really, isn't it?

Back to the Brompton we go...

Joy and pain are two arteries of the one heart

That pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to real living

Ann Voskamp

1000 Gifts notes

Kawasaki Disease has been in the news this week... it still seems surreal to me that in this day and age there is a disease that has the experts so baffled. At last, they suspect they may have found a cause. It gives us some possible answers...

... but it doesn't help us with the daily reality of living with the consequences of it.

For the most part, Kawasaki Disease is an almost invisible part of our lives now. There is daily medication for Heidi, and there is the white noise of anxiety of illness that always looms in the background, but in the day to day, I barely think about it. We have come such a long way since those early days, when I couldn't see how life could ever be "normal" again.

However, when appointments loom, I guess its only natural that your anxiety peaks.

Tomorrow, we head back to the Brompton with our little girl for another Echo and update, Ironically, I feel the most calm I have ever felt before one of these appointments... ironic given that for the first time, I am going without hope. In all our previous appointments, I went with the hope of the news that her arteries had healed. But with that hope came the constant fear that they would tell us they had stopped healing.

At our last appointment in October, that fear became a reality.

And so we go tomorrow, the hope being simply that things have not got worse, that she is coping fine on her medication, that we are just to continue on as we are. That was my worst nightmare a few months ago...

And yet somehow, there is relief in knowing the truth... there is relief in knowing what you are dealing with. Sometimes uncertainty is actually harder to cope with than the truth, however awful it may be.

And in the context of Heidi's heart, and little arteries that are still ballooned, the quote above grounds me as we prepare for tomorrow... without the pain, we wouldn't feel the same depth of joy. The joy of life... thankfulness for a beautiful little girl who is loving life and growing and thriving... God has allowed this heartache in our lives to help us to know the joy of real living. How much deeper our appreciation of life, how much more wonder at the developments of modern medicine... how much greater our thankfulness to our Heavenly Father who has had us so firmly in his grip throughout this storm.

I may feel a bit more battered and weathered, I may wish our life was simpler, I may long for a day where the slightest temperature in our little girl won't send my mind reeling with fear.

But I am thankful that the war wounds, the scars, the fears and failings have helped us know the Saviour better.

He is good. And as we walk through those hospital doors tomorrow, he'll be right there with us...

Please pray...

* That Heidi won't be afraid, and that she will cooperate with the Doctors, particularly during the ECG and Echo which require her to lie still for around 20 minutes.

* For stability in her case... that things won't have gotten worse...

* For emotional strength for us

* For practicalities like Jonas' feeds - that everything will work out in terms of timings

* For Heidi as she begins to grasp that there is something different about her heart, and for wisdom for us as we seek to explain that in a sensitive and age-appropriate way

* For a miracle? That perhaps, just perhaps, God may have healed her...

Thank you to all of you for your continued love, support, well-wishes and prayers. We are hugely grateful to God for the provision of each one of you. He has used to to encourage us in ways you will probably never know.

We are blessed beyond belief.

Saying Goodbye...

You'd think it'd finish a girl off to have to deal with the emotion of a first and last day one after the other...

Because just as Ava has gone into her "new" school today... tomorrow, we prepare for her "last day" at Nursery.

We didn't really plan on having a last day at Ava's current school... at least not until she reached Year 6 and was ready for the big transition to Secondary School. But I have been reminded again, these past few months, that His ways are not my ways. That God always has a bigger picture, a better plan an intricate design that I cannot see, and cannot always understand. We didn't get the school place I had planned for... but we did get the school place he had planned for us.

I know who's plan I'd rather follow!

And yet knowing we are in safe hands doesn't make the goodbyes any easier. In many ways, Ava is oblivious... a few of her little friends are also starting "new schools" in September, and I'm not entirely sure she's clicked that the majority of her little friends are staying put. And to be honest, I'm quite happy with it that way...

And so we find ourselves saying goodbye to lovely friends... and perhaps its me, who does understand what all this means, that is actually finding this transition hardest.

Because its not just Ava who's made friends this year.

Little did I realise, when I rocked up at the school gate last September, how much this bunch of ladies would come to mean to me...

We have gone through milestones together this year... we have picked up and dropped off each others children... we have supported each other through new arrivals and sad partings... we've laughed at the antics of our children, and shared our concerns and worries... we've bonded over fish and chips, countless cups of tea and coffee, and even full English breakfasts! We've all smiled and waved through our first Christmas production together, cheered our children through their first sports day, and helped the children through their little tiffs and upsets.

And these past few weeks, while I've been "in recovery"... they have really shown their stuff. Dropping everything to look after my children for me... taking Ava to and from school to save me the school run... getting their husbands to drive me to the Doctor's surgery... cooking us meals and creating amazing "Breastfeeding Survival Kits" full of goodies! These are true friends... people who go out of their way for you, people who are willing to be vulnerable and real with you, people who listen because they want to understand, not because they have something to say...

I really never could have believed that in one short year, I would have made friendships that I hope to keep for years to come...

So Kirsty, Natalie, Suzie, Siobhan, Sarah, Anna and Dilek...

This one's for you.

Mwah.xxx

(and a big thank you to Andy for driving me to the Doctor's surgery!)

Big School...

This past couple of weeks has been filled with milestones for our Ava M... her first sports day, her first school report, her first school trip... perhaps its the sheer volume of "firsts" that have kept me from being an emotional wreck about it all... or perhaps its just the busyness of life with a three-year-old, a two-year-old and a three-week-old. Whatever it is, we're about to embark on the  biggest first of all...

Big School.

Tomorrow, my little Ava will be walked up to an unfamiliar school gate, be picked up by her TA at the School reception, and be taken down to her new class, new teacher and 29 children she doesn't know yet.

The thought just turns me into a nervous wreck...

And yet Ava? Tomorrow morning cannot come quickly enough for her. She is so excited to meet her new teacher, is looking forward to making lots of new friends, can't wait to see what she's going to be doing at big school. And knowing her, I'm pretty sure she'll walk through those doors and not look back.

And as she goes, she'll take a little piece of my heart with her.

Because with this step, begins the journey of the next fifteen years and beyond... the gradual letting go... the move to independence... the existence of a pocket of life of which I am not a part.

Ava starting Nursery School last September...

I suppose in many ways it began last September, when she skipped into her school nursery and began the routine of 5 mornings a week in a classroom... but still we were the main environment, time with us was still dominant, our little world at home was still the big event.

All that is about to change.

And so I give myself a little shake, and remind myself that this is all a wonderful opportunity, that this will be the making of her... that this next year will be a wonderful adventure of discovery of numbers and letters and friendship and independence. That this time next year, she will be able to read me stories, and write me letters! That she will learn so much about making friends, and being kind, and sharing... that she will also learn how it feels to have your feelings hurt and what it means to not be the best at everything (one of the advantages of being the eldest sibling). She will learn that other children are different to her - believe different things to her, have other interests to her, are better at some things, and not so good at some things... these lessons will be hard for her, but they will be good for her... because those classroom doors will open wide the world for her in a way I can't do at home.

So as my little Ava M walks through those school gates tomorrow morning, I'll be reminding myself of all the adventures she's going to have, and not focus on the fact that we will miss her sunny little character at home!

My sunny, smiley girl!

Adjusting

She loves to come in to our room in the morning to kiss her baby brother... she gets the wipes and nappies for me, and helps me get him dressed. She chatters away to him in German in this little high voice, asking him question after question...
"Are you tired little Jonas? Are you? Is that what you're telling me? That you're tired?"
She worries if he doesn't have his cuddly giraffe that she bought for him with the money she "earned" from clearing the rocks in Grandpa's garden.
She is a wonderful big sister... and I'm so proud of her. Even when I have to tell her off for nearly smothering him in kisses.

This one is in love. She could not be more smitten. She rubs her little chubby cheek across his forehead and I have to tell her to get her hair out of the poor boy's face! The first question she asks me whenever she sees me; "Where is baby Jonas, Mama?" She will sit and stare at him for hours, and hold him and cuddle him for seconds, before she cries out "finished" and removes her arms. I'm a pro now at being ready to catch him.

They are adjusting. Gradually. Heidi is learning not to sob her heart out whenever she hears him cry...
"He's not sad, he's just telling us something"

And my heart melts every night, when from the quiet of our bedroom, on my bed, to the sound of newborn gulps as I nurse our youngest, I hear two little girls praying before falling asleep...

"Thank you God for Baby Jonas"

And I say Amen.

Intense...

It's easy to forget the intensity of life with a newborn... However many times you've been there before, the constancy of a three hourly routine takes you by surprise. Tiredness can feel overwhelming, the feeding cycle never ending, and daily chores like cooking and cleaning an impossibility.

The first time you do it, you feel it most intensely... That terrifying realisation that you will never be your own person again... Your heart is now inextricably tied up to someone else's and the freedom of no responsibility is gone forever. These first few weeks can feel relentless, and terrifying and exhausting.

But with experience comes perspective. These first few weeks are not a phase to be resented, or hurried through. They hold their own special treasure.

And I think with each child, I've learned to enjoy these early days more and more.

The quiet of a feed while sunlight pours through the window

The softness of that brand new skin

That new baby scent

The tiny gulps of a newborn feeding

The deep depths of newborn eyes

Tiny fingers and tiny toes

The joy of watching older siblings delighting in "their baby"

Moments to reflect in the deep of the night

Of course, the reality is that these golden moments are surrounded by a thousand nappy changes, toddler tantrums, constantly jolting yourself awake and questioning yourself on everything... It's not all roses...

But it is unique, and special and precious. Never again will this little man be so utterly dependent on me as he is now. 

And I intend to savour every minute of it.

. 

This Day...

This day, two years ago, was the day after. The morning after the nightmare. The morning after I wrote this...

Shock. I feel like everything is spinning. I cling to the side of her cot and sob, and the next minute I am overcome by a wave of peace. Then the rollercoaster continues. Feeling physically sick, thinking I'm going to collapse. I KNOW God is here with us. He holds us tight. He will not let us go. We sit in tears and cry for our baby girl. It just hurts so much.

When I read these words, the memories come flooding back... The recollection that as the Doctor gave us the prognosis, my legs buckled beneath me and I crashed to the floor, clinging for dear life to her cot bars as nurses flooded round to curtain us off from the sympathetic eyes of the rest of the ward. In my almost thirty years, that is the only time I have ever truly lost control. The panic, the horror, the shock... Our baby girl... We had spent three weeks in and out of hospital, we had finally got a diagnosis, and here, in the Brompton, we were seeing the damage that had been done.

         

Our baby girl's heart, perfect on her arrival in the world, had been attacked, and her coronary arteries were now distorted, ballooned and her little life... Her precious twelve week old, chubby cheeks and first giggles life, was on the line.

And worse, we realised, this was not curable... It was quite possibly something she would have to live with for the rest of her life. There was nothing the Doctors could do except watch and wait.

How do you cope when your care-free, picture-perfect life comes crashing down around you? When the future, instead of looking full of little girl antics, tree climbing and storybook reading, suddenly fills with hospital visits, daily medication, and a question over life expectancy?

You don't. Not on your own. You crash. You burn. You sob. You rage. You question. You die a little inside.

Except that we weren't on our own. We knew that. Through the whole gut-wrenching, heart-breaking experience, never once were we ever alone. We were held, we were carried, we were given all that we needed to survive. When we felt we couldn't go any lower, the Saviour was beneath us, when we needed someone to lean on, he was beside us, and when we needed hope to look to, he went before us.

And now, two years on, I look back on this hideous day with thankfulness and with peace. Our little girl is not better. She is still on daily medication, she still has twice-yearly check-ups and any illness throws me into overdrive as we seek to protect her from the side-effects of her meds. But she is here. She is thriving. She is living in a world of little girl antics and tree-climbing and storybook reading... Just what I'd always hoped for...

       

   
All thanks to the one who went below, walked beside and led us forward.

Thank you Jesus for our Heidi. We are eternally grateful... For this day two years ago when the consequences of that awful Kawasaki Disease began to be treated... And for every day since.

And thank you that her heart; physical, and spiritual, is totally in your hands...

Amen.

May...

May.

Spring sunshine.

Blossoming trees.

Little girl laughter.

Yet those memories.

They get easier with time... This May has not filled me with the same sense of foreboding that those golden days of last spring did. This May has not hit me with the agony of two years ago.

Time is, as they say, a great healer.

Our little girl is oblivious to all she went through two years ago. Her big sister has long forgotten the separation. We? We will not forget... I don't think we ever could.

But we will hold on for hope.

Because although time has not healed our little girl's arteries, it has allowed us to learn to live with the consequences of those fateful May-days, and instead of getting sucked into the "what-ifs" and "if-onlys", to be eternally grateful to have our Heidi-girl with us now. Living her little life to the full, a bundle of energy, a ball of giggles. Our little comedian.

She could not be more effervescent if she tried to be.

And so hope becomes our friend. Our anchor. We learnt some big life-lessons two years ago. About how precious life is, about what a gift every day is, about how faithful our God is, even in the pit. 

And we're still learning. Every day. To trust. To hope. To hand it all over to Him.

So I'm going to be thankful for these May days this year. And instead of dwelling on all we nearly lost, the anxiety which still lingers, I will thank God for his care for us, his provision, his mercy in sparing our baby girl. And I will take joy in watching these little ladies loving life and seizing each moment with all their energy.

Two years ago, I wondered if I would ever see that day.

I'm so grateful that I'm witnessing it now.

My Happy List...

Last week the lovely Emma over at Life at the Littlewood (which is one of my favourite blogs and definitely worth checking out!) tagged me in one of the latest memes circulating the blogging world... "50 things that make me happy"...

So I set about compiling my own little happy list. The little loves that make my life that little bit smilier...

As William Morris once said...

"The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life"

OK... I think there's a lot more to true happiness than that (you can read about that here) but this little quote put a smile on my face. I definitely think there is something in it...

So here are fifty things that make me happy... what are yours?

1. Little girl giggles

2. The smell of freshly cut grass

3. Line dried linens

4. Chats with my Mum

5. Quality time pouring over my Bible

6. Wildflowers

7. Singing to my girls at bedtime every night

8. Date nights

9. Sharing a pot of tea with my hub

10. The smell of baking

11. Haribo sour mix

12. Decorating our home to the season

13. My Mum's homemade pizza

14. Exploring the world

15. Views over the Norwegian fjords

16. Drinking fresh air in deep

17. Daffodils

18. That penny drop moment when I'm teaching

19. Exploring National Trust places with my family and my camera

20. Catch-ups with friends

21. An early night with a good book

22. Little sewing projects

23. Beating our monthly budget!

24. Quiet afternoons at home with my girls

25. Blogging

26. Hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows

27. Handwritten snail mail

28. Proper Jemimi Puddleduck ducks - they're just so pretty!

29. Changing seasons

30. Laughing

31. That first gulp of water on a hot day

32. Homemade lemonade

33. Late night deep and meaningfuls

34. Blue skies and happy days

35. Beach days

36. Dave playing guitar for the girls

37. Looking through old photographs

38. Winning

39. Making lists

40. Sitting down with a cuppa after a productive day

41. Meeting new people

42. Seeing God work in people's lives

43. When you finally remember what you came into a room for

44. Taking off high heels at the end of a day

45. Children's imaginations

46. Bubble baths

47. Toast with butter melted in

48. Realising its Friday

49. Snuggling up on the sofa with a pile of blankets on a rainy day

50. Realising how utterly blessed I am, and thanking God for it.

Why not join in the fun Carie @ Space for the Butterflies, Jess at Catch a Single Thought and Sara at Mummy's Little Blog ???

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When His way isn't my way....

It's been a journey this weekend. A journey of moving from the gut-wrenching disappointment of Thursday, through the disbelief, through the sadness about leaving our lovely friends, through the questions and the uncertainties.

It's only a School placement. But somehow its knocked me for six.

This wasn't the plan God. When I said I wanted you to have your way... what I really meant was "Can your way be my way please?"

And so it's meant a lot of soul-searching... a lot of questioning... and as always, the Lord has shown that his ways are not my ways, but that he has a bigger plan and a bigger purpose and is "bringing all things together for the good of those who love him"

On Friday morning, when I woke up, I was overwhelmed by a sense of fear and frustration... anger at the unfairness of it all... and just sadness. Sadness that Ava would have to leave her little posse of school friends, sadness that I will have to leave a lovely group of Mums at the school gate who have become real friends these past 8 months. And somehow pouring all that pent-up emotion out on the blog helped. And then I spent a long time pouring it all out at God. There are perks to waking up at 4.30am...

Could this really be God's plan?

And then things started happening. Too many coincidences. Too many little snippets of information filing through that slowly awoke me to the fact that perhaps God was moving a lot more pawns on his giant chess board than just ours.

That perhaps Ava being placed in this school was all part of his masterplan; that perhaps this school where I didn't want to be is exactly the place where He wants us to be.

And then I got a lovely message from one of my friends on the school gate... reading it broke my heart because I realised again how much I will miss that place, but also made me laugh out loud. She wrote "I too believe that nothing happens accidentally. A bit of me feels that although you didn't pray for the choice you were given... perhaps they were praying for you?"

OK God... I get the picture.

And then Sunday happened. And as I sat in church, it was as though our Pastor was talking straight at us...

"Has there been a time this week you have resented a situation you have been placed in, that it seems has worked out for everyone else?" Hmmm... try being the only member of the class to not get in?

"Has God answered a prayer you prayed, and yet you haven't thanked him because you didn't like the answer?" How about... God, please let Ava get in to the school that you can best use us as a family... oh no, wait God... that wasn't quite what I had in mind when I prayer that prayer...

"This week, you may be faced with a choice... and you know what he wants you to do... will you choose his way? The way of wisdom? The way of blessing? Or will you choose your own path and follow what YOU want for your life?"

Oh man. I sat in stunned silence afterwards...

We spoke a little later. We have decided not to appeal. There have been too many little "coincidences" this weekend, many of which I cannot specifically state on the blog, but which have left me in no doubt that this is, it seems, exactly what God has planned for us.

And slowly, gradually, I'm starting to feel a little bit excited about that.

Because amidst the fear of starting all over again, the sadness at leaving precious friends, the uncertainty of what the future holds, there is peace and certainty in one thing.

We serve a God who is faithful, holds all this in his hands, and has called us, and our little Ava to this particular school.

So however scary it feels, I can say with increasing trust, there is no other school we would rather be in.

Because bang in the middle of God's will? That's right where we want to be...

Thank you again to all of you who have been so unbelievably supportive this weekend.... thank you for your comments, messages, texts, virtual hugs and general well-wishes. We thank God for each and every one of you.

Windy Wet and Wonderful: Word Alive in a Nutshell...

Windy, wet and wonderful are the three words I'd use to sum up our fabulous five days in Wales last week. Our twelfth annual Word Alive... a week jam-packed with fun, friendship, live music and incredible bible teaching. We took a group of fifty from church and everyone was just so happy to be there, it made for a wonderful week. All four of us had a fabulous time - the girls toddled happily into their groups every morning and loved spending their afternoons running across the green with their little friends chasing seagulls.

The weather may have been bad, but I think it will stand out as one of my favourite Word Alive's ever...

Here are my top ten memories...

Families Together
I am in awe of these guys. Families Together is a mini-service which is interactive and geared at families with children under 7... packed full of craft, songs, activities and just incredibly creative ways of teaching biblical truth to small children. The girls both named this as one of their highlights from Word Alive this year (which is saying something - according to Ava, it ranked alongside swimming and the slide into the ball pool... that says a lot for a 2 and 3 year old!)

The Swimming Pool Slide 
Which brings me nicely onto the swimming pool slide. Ava loves the pool and is always a fan of the slides. Heidi is initially the more cautious of the two. Not so with the swimming pool slide. She would throw herself down it, fly up into the air and plop into the water at the end... without waiting to make sure that Papa was at the bottom to catch her! Every time she dunked right under, and every time she came up coughing and spluttering but with the biggest grin on her face as she cried out "again!"... just one of those priceless parenting moments. Honestly, that girl is fearless!

"Romans" from David Cook
Dave and I headed to the great marquee every morning after dropping the girls off for the daily morning teach from Romans. Romans is often one of the first books you are often recommended to read as a christian, so it wasn't new territory for us... but oh my! I felt like I saw new layers unfold, truth hit home - I was challenged, encouraged and reminded that the Bible is so unique because however many times you read it, there is always, always, always a new nugget of gold to be found that you never saw there before. Utterly fabulous stuff.

Rallying together in the wind...
There was some seriously windy weather last week. I'm not talking mild wind, I'm talking whistling past your window, door-frame shaking, can't-get-to-sleep, four-out-of-five-marquees-damaged wind. On Monday night, we sat in the Great Marquee, the wind howling around us, huge speakers swinging dubiously from the rafters, with steel beams creaking before they decided to evacuate us. It was a nightmare for the grounds staff (who did a fabulous job!) but for us it was all rather exciting! When we awoke the next morning, it was to the news that 4 out of the 5 marquees had been damaged in the night, and so the whole program was being relocated. There was just a general jolliness around the place though - like you get on snow days when no-one can get to work; just everyone rallying together and laughing about it.

Hot Chocolate Mountains...
Hot chocolate... marshmallows... a huge dollop of whipped cream. Enough said.

Equip
Church leadership training... just absolute gold-dust from a team of fabulous leaders who challenged, encouraged, rebuked and helped us to see how we can be better leaders in our local churches. Dave and I spend Saturday afternoon looking at what that means for the ministry we head up at church. So exciting to have your vision re-aligned and your enthusiasm re-motivated. God greatly used these guys to impart so much wisdom last week, and we are so grateful.

Late night catch-ups and good friendsThere is something about being away together, and hanging out late at night, and those deep and meaningful conversations that deepen friendships and remind you of your uni days. Just that. Precious times with good friends who have now become even dearer to us. And so wonderfully excited to see friends who are new christians so excited and thrilled about walking with Jesus and all that they were learning. It doesn't get better than that.

New Songs
Word Alive is always an opportunity for us to get to know some new songs, bands and get ideas for arrangements and song ideas. This was my favourite this year... go on... give it a listen!

Easter Egg Hunt - the adult edition
On Wednesday afternoon, we ran an Easter egg hunt for the kids, tweens and teens from our church. The weather meant we were confined to two chalets as the search area, but it didn't seem to bother them. They had a fab time and were thoroughly pleased with their prizes, but came up with their own suggestion... an Easter egg hunt for the adults. They dutifully ran off with all the plastic eggs and re-hid them before returning and inviting one adult representative from each chalet to get hunting.
The result was hilarious.
When children hunt for easter eggs they are giggly, excitable and eager.
When adults hunt for easter eggs, they are competitive, desperate and manic.
Pure comedy!

The aftermath
I think there's nothing so thrilling about being a group organiser that coming home and hearing countless stories of how God has worked in people's lives through the week. Literally everyone who came with us was just full of all they'd learned, full of thankfulness at the opportunity to go, and full of a renewed love for Jesus.

And THAT is what Word Alive is all about.

See you there next year!

Our Easter Weekend...

There were Mini Eggs, chicks, Easter bunnies and chocolate galore, but it was not those things that made our Easter this year. Instead it was remembering the real meaning...

Good Friday kicked off with a fabulous family service at church where some of the Easter characters shared their stories. The girls were mesmerised... and it brought the truth of this amazing season back home for all of us. I won't deny I shed a tear or two when listening to "Mary Magdalene" at the empty grave... it was such a creative, helpful way to remind us what its really all about...

Photo courtesy of my lovely friend Kirsty!

The afternoon was spent with school friends... an Easter lunch, lots of little people running around, and lots of cups of tea and catching up.. and some little people who were sad to go home/say goodbye at the end of it all. It's been so much fun this year, getting to know Ava's little school friends and their families... we're all on countdown to the big primary school reveal on April 16th now (oh help!)

Easter Saturday was a normal Saturday - finishing unpacking from our trip to Wales last week (more on that to follow), a shop in Lidl and some down time for some girlies still recovering from a fun-packed, full-on holiday. We all needed some quiet time, and Saturday was perfect for it.

And then came Easter Sunday... the highlight of our year, the celebration of the greatest day in history. And it kicked off in the usual fashion with our Easter breakfast... hot cross buns, strawberry jam, a good amount of chocolate (yes - even a little for breakfast... are we bad parents?!?) and the highlight... the revealing of our Easter garden; the dead leaves and flowers were gone, and replaced by a lively, colourful garden... and the tomb? Well, the stone was rolled away, and the carefully laid linens had disappeared...

JESUS IS ALIVE!

The girls were delighted with their goodies, and we bookended our breakfast with the Easter story from a combination of the Bible and their children's bible...

Church was celebratory, with a couple of wonderfully moving baptisms thrown in, and was just as it should be. A joyful remembering of all that we have to be thankful for... and more important than all else, the Saviour who has made us right with God... and is living today! If you want to find out more, check out this video...

I think as I get older, Easter means more every year. I guess slowly (yes, I will be bidding farewell to my twenties later this year!) as life experience grows, you lose some of the heady optimism of youth. I'm still an optimist at heart, but the last few years have taught me that life is not perfect, that there are hard roads, and valleys, and dark journeys that everyone walks at some point in their life... Easter is a reminder that all is not as it should be, but that there is a plan to make it right again. That this life is not all there is. That this life is not what it was meant to be. There is so much joy and hope in the knowledge that Jesus has done the deal. Made the down-payment. If I trust in him, I have a certain place with him for eternity. So the hard stuff in this life is given a new perspective.

I am daily thankful. 

Easter Sunday afternoon was spent in the glorious sunshine with Dave's brother, his wife and their gorgeous baby boy... a few pictures of our fun-filled afternoon below.

This Easter, as always, leaves me thankful, joyful, grateful, amazed, in wonder...

I am so undeserving... and yet blessed beyond hope.

Happy Easter to all my lovely readers :-) 

 

Our Little Week: Little Loves

A busy little week, but a lovely one. Birthday parties, potty training, group holiday organisation and photography have made it a busy one, but fun nonetheless. I have been up to my eyeballs, but managing to stay afloat thanks to my trusty notebook. I instagramed my little homemade planner yesterday and got quite a response... I'm thinking there's a blog post in the pipeline there!

Watch this space!

In the meantime, here's what we've been up to this week!

Read
While I am nearing the end of "Memoirs of a Geisha", Ava and I have started our evening routine again of reading a chapter of a "big girl" book together most nights. Right now we are ploughing through that gem of a children's classic "My Naughty Little Sister" and she is lapping it up! She grins and giggles and gasps her way through every chapter, and is just such a fun little reading buddy to have! If you have little girls, you must get hold of these books in any way you can... they are just such fun, innocent, hilarious little stories and we are devouring them!And to be honest, if you have little boys, "Bad Harry" is a pretty fun character too!

Watched
Is anyone else loving Poldark?? We started watching it at a friends recommendation last week, and are now totally hooked! Loving all the drama on TV at the moment... I don't think I've been into this many programs at once since I was about 12!

Photo courtesy of Wordpress.com

Wore

Shirts... yup... I'm loving the open shirt over white long-sleeved top at the moment. I think I've gone for three different varieties this week... denim, checked and cowboy(/girl)... it's also nice to be able to wear some of my nice non-maternity clothes again, as wearing another top underneath means it doesn't matter that it doesn't do up over my ever growing bump!

I've also thoroughly enjoyed wearing clothes hung out to dry and collected in by my three year old. She is becoming quite the little homemaker, and I'm not going to pretend I discourage her... its lovely to have a helping hand when I'm hanging out the washing... although she's clearly learning from her Mother. When collecting in the washing yesterday she called Heidi over and said "You can collect the pegs little Heidi... that's right... you're my little helper, aren't you Schnucki?"

Kind of made my heart melt!

Heard
I've not listened to much this week... aside from the usual children's accompaniments! My car CD at the moment is "No Other Name" by Hillsong which I'm loving...

Made
We have been hosting a lot this week, which has had the girls and I spending our afternoons in a flurry of flour and up to our arms in cake-mix, but who's going to complain about that?!

And finally...
Earlier on this week, one of my lovely friends popped over with a "just because" present and a cute little card... I am so thrilled to bits with this little pressie and can't wait to use them for our newest addition! I'm sure there will be plenty of Instagram evidence of their use! *apologies in advance for the babyspam* She got them from this gorgeous little independent company called "Little Maldod"... why not go and check them out??

Wishing you all a wonderfully relaxing weekend!

Enjoy!

Xxx