Resolutions...

Every year I say I don't believe in New Years Resolutions...

Every year I say I'm just setting myself up for failure...

Every year I think; "just get on and get into good habits and forget the whole resolution thing"...

And yet every year I find myself setting them. There is something about setting a goal that means even if you know there's no chance you'll meet it, there's a good chance you'll get a lot further along with it than you would have if you hadn't set any goals at all...

So anyway... five goals I decided to set for myself this year... bearing in mind this year could be fairly eventful with the impending arrival of number three in June... I have tried to be realistic (perhaps with the exception of one! But hey... no point in not making them a bit challenging at least, right?!)

1. Learn to Crochet...
I began learning to crochet about eight years ago on a trip back to Austria, and then life got in the way... and I remember thinking at the time, "this is actually not that difficult" so why is it every time I consider it I run a mile!? This year, I'd like to learn to crochet, because I just think so many gorgeous things are crocheted, and two of my very best friends are inspiring me with their wonderful crocheted creations (you know who you are!) and so I'm gonna give it a whack... wish me luck!

Photo courtesy of yarnovercoffeeblog.wordpress.com

2. Get to know our Neighbours
One of the things we really loved this Christmas was getting to know our neighbours a little bit more. A couple of weeks before Christmas, the girls and I (with some encouragement from our Kindness Elves) headed out down the street with a tonne of wrapped up cookies and some invitations to our Carol Service. We've been in this house 4 years now, and have got to know our neighbours on each side, but it was so lovely to meet others on our street and get to know them a bit. These past couple of weeks its been so lovely to pop out to the shops and have a chat on the way there, or say a quick hello while putting the rubbish out. This year, we'd really like to get to know our neighbours a bit better and get a bit of street community going... top tips on neighbourhood ideas welcome!

3. Back to Basics
As a Christian, reading the bible and having time to pray are really important to me. In the past, I've always set aside 20 minutes to half an hour or so in the morning just to "spend time with God", but since having children, my routine has had to change somewhat... disturbed nights and early rising has meant the prospect and often the possibility of getting up before the children has been beyond me. So I used the girls nap time as my quiet space. But there is something about first thing in the morning that you just can't beat. This past few months, I have realised that we have hit a stage with the girls where actually, a slightly earlier start for me is not only possible, but also beneficial. A couple of weeks before the Christmas holidays, I started getting up at the same time as Dave, an hour before the girls wake up (or at least an hour before they appear from their room - thank you Gro-clock!), and spending half an hour or so with God, getting up, showered and dressed, and it was unbelievable what a difference it made to the day... I was up and ready, literally and spiritually, before the girls, and I just found it really refreshing to return to that old habit. Over the Christmas holidays its totally gone to pot, so my resolution is to rise early and spend time with God this year (or at least until June when the broken nights return...!)

My Journalling Bible is still one of my favourite things ever...

4. Read Authors A-Z

I've become a real fan of the library this year (largely thanks to #GetGoodSummer) and it was while browsing the shelves on my last trip their that I had an idea that I thought would be pretty fun to try out this year. So my aim is to read 26 books this year... by authors A-Z, so currently I'm drawing up a list of all the books I want to read anyway (and seeing what letters I'll get covered that way) and then hopefully I'll get to know some fabulous new authors too... it should be fun, and I'm excited about setting myself a little bit of a challenge... it means I need to read my way through a book every two weeks.

5. Be wise with my time

I've had to learn a hard lesson this December... a lesson I wrote about here. And a new year is always a good time for a fresh start. I am not very good at saying no to things, and I like to be involved in everything... but at the same time there is nothing I love more than quiet days at home with my family. So this year I'm hoping to strike more of a balance... that way I can enjoy the things I am involved in more, because I'm not over-committing and stretching myself too thin.

That's the plan.

In terms of the blog, I am holding it with a looser hand this year. I'd got to a bit of a place where I was feeling pressure (self-made) to blog every day and come up with something new and interesting to say. And that's actually not what this space is all about. My break from it in Norway in the summer reminded me its not about stats, or how many pageviews or comments I get. I write this blog because its a record of our life, its an outlet for my writing, and its an opportunity to share what life as a wife, Mama and Jesus follower is all about - with all its faults and flaws. So you may not see me every day, but you can be sure, when I do write something, it'll be done because I actually want to say it/share it/discuss it... rather than because its nearly my bed time and I've suddenly realised in a panic I've got nothing scheduled for the morning...

So there you have it... my 2015 resolutions... of course, I'm sure that lots of unplanned adventures and opportunities will happen, and I'm pretty sure that I won't tick the box on every one of these either... but I'm going to give it a go!

What are your New Years Resolutions this year?

 

New Years Celebrations: Savouring the Season Linky Party 15

Happy New Year to you all!

We have had a lovely few days welcoming in the New Year with family from Northern Ireland! On New Years Eve, we headed up to London to go to one of my favourite museums - the Museum of London is a hidden gem - wonderfully presented, totally hands on and fabulous for little people...

In the evening everyone headed back to ours for Tacos and games...

 

And then we welcomed in the New Year with mulled wine and Gary Barlow on the TV (who didn't?!)

After everyone had hit the sack; Dave and I reflected on this past year, praying thankfulness for the mercies God has shown us in the face of the toughest year of our lives. Our goodbye to 2013 was bittersweet, and we enter 2014 not knowing what the future holds, but knowing that whatever comes, he is faithful. I slept well. A new year. A fresh start. A clean page. Hope for this little girl...

and of course thankfulness for this one...

New Years Day poured with rain and so our plans for a lovely village walk were called off... But we enjoyed a yummy meal at this gorgeous country pub!

It was the perfect way to welcome in the New Year... 

So! Its time to share your New Years posts; celebrations and activities, reflections and resolutions! Link up your post and take five minutes to go and visit a couple of others... And please leave comments where you go; there is nothing so encouraging to a blogger as knowing someone has taken time o stop by their little piece of Internet!

Here's to 2014; THANKYOU for your support and participation in Savouring the Season last year... I look forward to savouring every little bit of 2014 with you all too!

Claire x

<a href="http://clarinascontemplations.blogspot.co.uk" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihXkpe_802UJ_lWhVlQ2GxIA-gs5MgB248xz9cNNCutxEmkLWCT8F2e3iph976bpBNltxwiCKo0lyHDu388VBUzjfDRyNHKKFr78z5q7dOJnA-mkwwtNKya7voYshQd8n34gc3slcCSaY/w125-h118-no/mini+badge.png" alt="ClarinasContemplations" width="125" height="125" /></a>

Special thanks to my bro for some of the photos!

My New Years Resolution...

A new year. A fresh start. A clean page. An opportunity many of us take to re-evaluate life and   set ourselves some challenges that we intend to have kept by the end of the year...

My resolution this year?

To slow down.

I know I have a tendency to rush around like a headless chicken. My default is to be busy and my head is full of ideas that I always want to act on immediately. But with a second baby on the way, I know for the sake of my spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing, I need to re-evaluate this year.

So this year I want to learn to stop. To ponder. To marvel. To appreciate the little things. To spend time with my maker. To really pray. To talk with loved ones without being half there and half not because my head is somewhere else. To set my laptop down from time to time. To read. To be. To enjoy long walks and breath fresh air and appreciate all that God has given me.

A tough call? Yes it could be interesting given that we are about to re-enter the world of sleepless nights, endless feeding, countless nappies and juggling two babies, but God is good and I trust he will give me the strength to accept that I can't be Supermum...

It's a resolution with a difference. Its a proactive "not doing" as opposed to the usual to-do list, and I know I won't be able to do it in my own strength... why? Because my natural instinct is to be self-reliant, "sorted" and busy. I'm praying God will help me to re-prioritise and lean on Him for my strength, and as I pray, I know he will keep his promise that "the peace of God, which supasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4, The Bible)

On Sunday night, David and I were leading a time of worship as we looked back together as a Church on God's goodness and provision in this past year. I was really challenged to remember to see beyond the "practical" blessings of God that so often catch my attention, and instead to focus on the fact that those blessings are bonuses. Really all I need is Christ and all I have is Christ. Everything else is extra.

Just before we sang one of my favourite songs (which I'll attach below), I read out the following prayer from a book called The Valley of Vision (which I highly recommend!!) It's old, and the language is a bit archaic. But it is my prayer for the start of this new year. Maybe you'll join me in praying it too?

O God,

Thy main plan, and the end of thy will 

is to make Christ glorious and beloved in heaven

where he is now ascended, 

where one day all the elect will behold his glory 

and love and glorify Him forever.

Though here I love Him but little,

may this be my portion at last.

Dealing with Doubt...

25. Resolved, to examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

- Jonathan Edwards -

Yesterday, in the evening service at church, we watched this short video...

It's a guy called Steve Saint who has done some serious suffering. His Father was brutally murdered when he was 5, his daughter died of a brain tumour when she was just 21, and now he's suffered a serious accident himself which seems to have left him almost completely paralysed. One of the most astounding things about this man is his faith in God. If anyone has a reason to doubt God's love for him, then surely he? I find myself asking "How can God say he loves this man, and yet allow him to suffer such awful tragedy and heartache" and yet what is completely astounding is that this man has said "I don't ask why; I trust him".

Doubt hits all of us at some point - is God really in control? Does he really love me? Does he really have power to deal with this huge issue? And suffering throws those questions into the limelight perhaps more than anything else...

Edwards challenges us to think carefully about the one (yes one - perhaps more like 100,000??) thing that most causes me to doubt God's love for me - is it suffering? is it situations and circumstances? is it the seeming mundaneness of daily life? is it my own insecurities? The list could go on... but I think he makes a good point here. So often we are overwhelmed by our inadequacies that we don't even know where to start. Edwards challenge is this... find the BIG thing that makes you doubt, and attack it with all your strength.

I know, for me, the big thing is my work-ethic. I believe in earning my way in the world... that flows into my relationship with God (even though it shouldn't) and means I feel great and secure in God's love for me when I'm reading my Bible daily, praying regularly, having lots of opportunities to share Christ with my friends and family... but take this past week for example. I haven't looked into my Bible once, I've thrown up arrow prayers throughout the day, normally consisting of "Lord - please help me to...(find my keys/settle Ava/fill in gap as appropriate!)" and I didn't even make it to Bible study. On these kind of days, I find it very easy to doubt God's love for me...why should he love a useless Christian like me, who can't even prioritise time with Him? Who talks all the talk and yet day to day, this week at least, has not shown in any way that God is even part of my life? That's when the devil hits with his "pharisee-fork"... and that's when I have to use "all my forces" to preach this to myself...

God doesn't love me for what I have or haven't done... he never has. That's never been the basis for his love for me! He loves me because he loves his Son, and his Son has taken up my pathetic attempts and failures at following him, and presented me, before his Father "pure and spotless"... not because I am, but because he's covered me with himself through his death and made me God's child. That's how I "direct all my forces" against those seeds of doubt!

So what is it for you? What is the ONE big thing that causes you to doubt that there is a God who loves you and wants you for his own?

Grab that ONE, and direct all your forces against it today! 

Resolution 25: Right to the roots...

24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, til I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavour to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

Kristin (in the buggy!) and I, age 3 and 1

When I was a kid, my sister and I had very different ways of handling conflict. When I got caught doing something wrong, I learnt very quickly that the best thing to do was show utter remorse, apologise quickly, and the whole thing would be done with. I didn't like the feeling that someone was upset with me, so my goal was (the majority of the time) simply to get through the apologies, accept the punishment and move on as quickly as possible. My sister was a different kettle of fish. She was not such a people-pleaser when it came to arguments, but more of a justice fighter. If she felt she'd been wronged, there was no way under high heaven that she would smile sweetly, say she was sorry and accept the punishment. No way. She would fight and cry and shout and stamp her little feet and usually end up with more of a punishment than if she'd learnt the big sister route of apologising and being done with it.

You may call it wisdom, the way I handled this youthful disciplining, but actually it was far from it. The problem was that it wasn't getting to the root of my sin, I often wasn't really sorry, or often I was sorry about the consequences of my actions for me, but not about the actions themselves.

My sister, in a sense, was actually being much more honest about what was going on inside than I was.

So often, we deal with the exteriors of our sin, and leave the roots, way under the surface, to grow deeper and deeper. Take gossip for example... your friend finds out you have passed on some information that they had asked you to keep confidential. Perhaps you did it because you "simply couldn't keep it to yourself", or perhaps because you counted this person as someone you were entitled to tell (i.e. someone in my family, like my husband, or my mum, doesn't count as passing it on...) Whatever the deal, when you find out that they know... you feel horrible about it. But why do you feel horrible? Sometimes, maybe it is because you have betrayed the confidence, but often, if we're honest we feel horrible because we're worried that that person will no longer trust us, or won't want to be friends with us any more... actually the root of our sin is pride, and people pleasing and the "remorse" we feel is the result of that.

So its time to take the trowel to our sin, to dig deep and get to the roots... not to simply deal with the weeds growing on top, but to find out where they are coming from... way down deep. Getting the roots out is WAY harder work than just pulling the tops off... and it hurts; it can be back-breaking, and long winded and utterly exhausting. But if we want to allow the healthy good stuff to grow in our lives, then we have to be brutal with those sin-weeds.

So lets get to the roots and let's get gardening!

Resolution 22: Living for the moment?

22. Resolved to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigour and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

It's the anthem of the culture we live in: "Live for the moment!" and "Enjoy life"... they sound so wonderful, so appealing and such great ideas to live your life by... and yet these cries are so dangerous! Living for the moment justifies decisions that make me feel good. It leads a society into self-centredness, as everyone seeks to do what makes them happy, with little to no regard for the consequences to those around them. Edwards quote seems to endorse this... how can that be?? How can he be encouraging us to seek happiness with all our power, might, vigour, vehemence and violence... really??

But all of these thoughts miss one vital little line in Edwards resolution... "in the other world". As Jesus says in Matthew 6:20 (The Bible)...

"Store up treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal"

See, that's the problem. If I seek my ultimate happiness now with the kind of vigour that Edwards suggests, I will only be disappointed. The "treasure" that I'm seeking - to be the ultimate "supermum", to have a beautiful home that everyone admires, to be appreciated and honoured and looked up to, to be successful in my job, my marriage, my motherhood - that treasure will wear out. I'll have bad days as a Mum, I'll get frustrated with my family, my house will look a tip, I'll feel the sting of someone's criticism and those "treasures" will rust and be stolen from me...

But if I put my energy into putting my treasure in heaven - in other words, finding my satisfaction in Jesus, I will find that that will "never perish, spoil or fade" (1 Peter 1:4, The Bible) because where I fail, and falter, and mess up, he is steadfast and unchanging and reliable.

So I'll enjoy this life, I'll savour every moment of it, because its a gift from my true treasure. And I'll put my energy and enthusiasm into life, because I want to live it for the King. He's my treasure, and he's worth living for.

Resolution 21: A Sunday morning stroll...

21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

I gritted my teeth and groaned inside as Ava's eyes fluttered open. How dare they! I thought don't they know how long I've been walking round these back roads trying to get her off to sleep... and she's just gone... and then they rev their car engine right beside her and the crying begins again! It was a Sunday morning, Dave and I were heading up the band (he was already there setting up) and I needed to get Ava to sleep for the walk to church... I knew that the minute we got there, her eyes would pop open as the band rehearsed for the service. I had already been walking twenty minutes. I only had ten minutes left to give her a power nap (she normally has an hour and a half in the morning) and it seemed like everyone was out to get me. She'd nearly dropped off about four times, and every time something would make some racket right when she was on the verge... a dog barking, a man yelling across the road to his friend, someone stopping me for a chat (totally well-meaning!) and now this car revving.

Grrrr...

I was livid. I felt like all these people were purposefully trying to make my life difficult. Have they no idea what its like to have a baby?!

Then I stopped. How many times have I innocently shouted across the road to a friend, stopped someone for a chat, revved my car as I've pulled off? These guys were doing NOTHING wrong. The sin was in me! I was being judgemental, selfish, feeling-sorry-for-myself because I felt out of control. I was feeling most frustrated with my daughter who was fighting sleep like it was her last battle!

I am so quick to judge, so quick to despise, so quick to defend myself and my situation and yet when I turn the finger round, all to often I am guilty of the exact thing I am judging others for! My frustrations normally root back to my own sin. I was seething inside at these innocent passers-by because I wanted Ava to sleep... why? Because she needs it, but also because I knew who'd be paying if she didn't get it, and I selfishly didn't want to be dealing with a grumpy baby.

My sin is great, but Jesus' grace is greater, and in Him, I'm going to attempt this week to put other's before myself. To think about whether I am causing someone else to suffer, and to nip those judgemental thoughts in the bud. I can't do it in my own strength, but in Him, anything is possible.

Resolution 20: Food! Glorious Food!

20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.

I am a BIG food fan... I love snacky stuff and I am a TOTALLY savoury girl (I'll choose starter over pudding any day) with only a slight (!) weakness for Sour Mix Haribo. Food is great, and I'm so grateful to God for creating food that is appetizing and delicious and vibrant! He could have made it dull... we could have needed a diet of gruel that we needed to eat and would satisfy us, but instead he created a vast variety of flavours and textures; sweet and sour; spicy and mild...

HUGE amounts of Jesus' time were spent around the dinner table; he ate with his friends, with his family, he ate at weddings and funerals, he celebrated at the dinner parties of religious guys, and had meals at the homes of the social outcasts. Jesus ate, and drank, and did it all for the glory of God.

Food and drink are GOOD things... God-given gifts that we are to enjoy... but we are also to be careful with them. They can so easily become idols - I can think all the time about what I eat because food curbs my anxiety/brings comfort OR I can think about food all the time because I don't want to get overweight - I count every calorie and can't enjoy it... both of these attitudes are not reflective of what God wants our attitude towards food to be. David Kotter, co-author the workshop series Eat and Be Content, had a look at what the Bible had to say about our relationship with food... 

It was clear that the Bible didn’t provide a menu for every day, or restrict people to only foods mentioned in the Bible for health.  Nor was there a requirement for believers to be a certain size, shape or weight.  But the Bible did speak to the heart of the issue.  The focus was not on food but on the act of eating.  Eating for ungodly reasons, such as reducing anxiety or masking feelings of guilt, is really a form of idolatry in the heart. I learned that overeating was a moral problem.  Believers were exhorted to eat for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).  Only through the gospel can believers hope to eat this way.  Only the gospel empowers believers to overcome these sins and gain discerning wisdom. All other diet plans and good intentions by themselves were bound to fail.

In this resolution, Edwards does not want us to stop enjoying the gifts of food and drink that God has given us - quite the opposite is true. If we keep food and drink in their right place - not over-indulging or over-analysing, we are much more likely to find true satisfaction in them.

As Paul writes...

So whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

- 1 Corinthians 10:31 - 

Resolution 18: Getting perspective...

18. Resolved, to live so, at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notion of things of the gospel, and another world.

- Jonathan Edwards -

"Live at all times with your eyes fixed on the gospel, and on the hope of heaven"... that's what Edwards is exhorting us to do here. Two little phrases that are short to say, but huge to live... and so easily laid by the wayside. Edwards is saying that the best way to live (in his "devout frames") is when the gospel is clear in his head, and heaven is real in his heart...

Getting the Gospel clear

When it comes to the gospel, C J Mahaney says, "Never move on; never lay it aside." All of life revolves around understanding the gospel... it should impact on everyday life - my choices, my thought-processes, my words and my actions. Christ died for my sins, once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring me to God (1 Peter 3:18) While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). That affects my attitude to the daily tasks of homemaking (Christ joyfully laid down his life for me... even though I didn't deserve it, how much more should I joyfully "lay down" my life for my daughter as I change ANOTHER nappy!), it affects my self-esteem (Society tells me that being a stay-at-home mum is not as admirable as a successful professional career, Jesus tells me the servanthood is real greatness), it affects my attitude to my sin (my doubt and self-criticism would tell me that I am sometimes too messed up to be acceptable to God, Jesus tells me that he died for me while I was sinful... that nothing I have done or will do is too much for him to forgive). The gospel should be the lens through which I view all of life... All too often, the world's wisdom is how I view life. Jesus calls me to something different...

Getting heaven in focus

So often my head is filled with things that feel so very vital, and yet are so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I woke up, the other night, at 4am, worrying about what my husband was going to say between songs at church the next day - RIDICULOUS... a) he was going to be saying it, not me b) what was I going to be doing about it at 4 in the morning!! Yet I lay in bed for an hour worrying myself silly about it!!! Sometimes the little things in life really get all our attention, other times the issues are big and overwhelming and real, heartbreakingly real; heaven speaks into both of those situations. It helps me let go of the silly little overwhelming things and says "they don't matter - fix your eyes on what does matter and entrust the little things to God. Heaven helps me stand firm in the big, hard issues of life and says "this pain is temporary, I have a plan for you and this season isn't forever"

Resolution 17: No regrets...

17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done, when I come to die.

We've all seen those movies, haven't we? You know, the ones where people are on their death beds saying "I should have...", "I wish I'd...", "If only I'd..." or "I'm so sorry I never..." I think that's a very real fear for people, that they'll look back on their lives with regrets...

We all have that desire to make our lives count, to feel like we've achieved something for the world, that we've had influence, that we won't be forgotten. We try so hard to make our little stamp on the world, desperate for some kind of recognition to bring meaning to it... our children? Our jobs? Our contribution to society?

How wonderful to know I can live my life without that pressure. To know that my life has meaning purely because Jesus gives it meaning; that I don't have to be this wonderwoman wife, mother, career-woman and society-changer. I am free to be me because of Jesus... 

If I follow him all my days, I can live with absolute certainty that I'll have no regrets...

Resolution 16: Gossip...

16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonour, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

Our culture hails gossip. We have countless magazines devoted to it, television programmes that revolve around it, and even an american sitcom "Gossip girl" which takes its title from it. And let's be honest... we all love a bit of gossip, don't we? We love to be in on the secrets, we love to be the first to know, we love the sense of power it gives us; knowing something that no-one else does. We love the feeling of superiority it gives us, reveling in someone else's failure, because it makes us feel better about ourselves. If we're honest, its ugly. And it reveals the ugliest sides of our character...

I know I succumb to it on countless occasions... in the staff room, when out for coffee with friends, in the comfort of my own home and even, dare I admit it, in the "prayer requests" we so often share... 

"Can I ask you to pray for... ? They are really struggling in this way at the moment..." 

Am I genuinely seeking prayer for that person? Or sometimes, is there an ugly little voice inside me that wants to show off my knowledge, and make me feel better about myself?! How sick is that?!

I know my own heart is capable of so much evil. That even, at times, when I'm strong enough (with Christ's help) to refrain from entering in to 'that conversation', I secretly delight in hearing the gossip and hoarding it away to boost my own pride. Horrible, horrible, horrible...

What scares me now, as a mother, is knowing that my little girl is growing up in a culture that celebrates gossip. She will, I am sure, at some point succumb to the urge to gossip, and likewise, I have no doubt that she will also be the subject of gossip at some point in her little life. I hate that thought. Everything within me wants to shout out "Don't talk about my little girl like that!"

Like probably every other parent on the planet, I want so much for my little girl to be different. I want her to be kind, and thoughtful, I want her to be strong and secure in herself. Ultimately, though, I know these are things I can try and teach her, but I will fail. Lovely as my daughter is, she is a sinner and won't be able to overcome these temptations and pressures in her own strength. She will need the Holy Spirit to help her.

I pray daily for my little girl, that she will come to faith in Christ while she is young. And I pray she'll be like him, that those around her "will be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say" about her (Titus 2:8)

I think, though, that sometimes we can use the prayer card to shirk our responsibilities as parents. I can't change my daughter's heart, only God can do that, but I have been given a God-given responsibility to raise her in a way that brings glory to him. I think back on my childhood, and do you know what? I can't think of a time I ever heard my parents bad-mouthing someone in front of me. That's not to say they didn't (they are sinners and I'm sure would admit they do at times!) but I never heard it. They were careful with their words in front of us as children, and so it wasn't something they did, but rather something they didn't do that impacted us in such a huge way. 

As a Mama, I know I need to commit this area of gossip to the Lord for my own heart, but also for my daughter's and do everything in my power to teach her to say "only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29)

Will you join me in attempting to be counter-cultural???

Resolution 15: Anger...

15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings

We all get angry at the irrational at times... the kerb you kick because you just tripped over it, the phone you throw down because its talking too long to load something, that necklace that lies in a tangled mess on your bedside table, the clouds that seem to be gathering outside and scuppering your plans.

But we don't just get angry at inanimate objects, but other irrational beings too... the dog who follows its natural instinct for food and heads straight for the dishwasher every time you pack it (!!), the foxes who head for your bins. We get so frustrated and angry with them, yet all they are really doing is following nature's instinct. They are irrational.

Grady Davidson puts it like this...

I believe the thought that has captured Edwards' imagination is that God would never be angry with (for example) a stray hound, for behaving with the begging instincts of a stray hound. The mutt may be a nuisance to Man, but there is nothing immoral or ungodly in the dog's behavior as he struggles with the rest of nature to survive. Only mankind, created in the Image of God in knowledge, righteousness and holiness, has the capacity to trample upon God's holiness through sin -- and to rightly draw God's wrath. Whenever Man's anger is directed toward irrational beings, Man is no longer behaving as a Godly image-bearer (and is no longer behaving as God's noble Vice-Regent over the created order). 

These reflections guide us quite naturally to the Cross, where God's wrath and God's love are poured out infinitely--his wrath upon Sin, received by the Sin-Bearer, Jesus Christ; and his infinite love for sinners whom Jesus came to save.

This week, if we're going to be angry, let us be angry over something that matters--namely, sin and rebellion against our Loving and Holy God. And may our awareness of sin drive us each personally back to our knees--the only fitting position for sinful grace-beggars in the presence of a God who is angry with sin.

So let's not take our anger out today on things, or animals, or rain-clouds that can't help it, but instead only anger at what counts - our rebellion against our maker.

Resolution 14: Revenge...

14: Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.

Revenge. Its a word I associate with Shakespeare and thriller movies and shocking newspaper stories... not one I tend to think of as something I come across in my own life. We think of revenge on the BIG scale... the horror court cases, the gang crime...

But revenge on the small scale is just as poisonous... that bad word that was said about you... the person that put you down... the individual who hurt you in some way. Our instinct is revenge... its subtle. It's looking for the opportunity to make that other person look small, or the opportunity to try and make them jealous, or outdo them in some way. It may not seem a big deal, but it is revenge, and the big stuff that we see on the News surely started with the subtle little stuff we do daily in our own thought processes...

The Bible teaches that "vengeance", or revenge, is down to God. Only he can act to repay evil and injustice in a pure and just way. Our motivations are always tainted and flawed - his are not. He will call the injustice done in this world to account... the big stuff and the small. I am to seek justice for those around me, but I am to trust my heavenly Father when it comes to revenge...

Instead, we are to take Jesus as our example... he didn't seek revenge from those who took his life... who nailed him to that cross. Instead he offered them his free gift of life in all its fulness.

Hallelujah! What a Saviour!

Resolution 12: Reflections on blogging...

12. Resolved, if I take delight in something as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

Literally five minutes before I checked out the "resolution" for this week, David read to me an article in the Guardian called "Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism". I often wonder what social networking is doing to society. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE facebook, twitter and the world of blogging... I think they are great tools that can be used really well and effectively... but what is our motivation in posting about ourselves all the time?

When I really think about it, I sometimes wonder what the point of facebook "status" is... does the world really want to know what I'm thinking/feeling/doing? Does it need to know the private details of my life? At times, could what I write be taken the wrong way? Or taken out of context? Or simply insensitive to someone? WHY do I feel the need to write about myself... to put myself on the public stage? Social media networking gives us the feeling of celebrity culture... my photos are pasted across the web for all the world to see... people can follow my every move. It feeds our self-obsessed nature wonderfully...

Facebook, Twitter and blogging have wonderful advantages... I am able to share photos of Ava with family in Norway and friends in Austria, I have been able to get back in touch with primary school friends, I can, hopefully, use this medium to encourage others and point to Jesus. Don't mishear me... I think modern technology has opened HUGE doors.

However, I know for myself, I need to keep my motivations in check. Why am I blogging about this? Is it because I want to make my very mundane, normal life look perfect? Is it because I want people to think I'm some kind of superwoman mother/housewife (which I hasten to add, I'm not!!!)  Because if that's the case, then I am gratifying my vanity and pride and need to, as Edwards puts it, "throw it by".

Keeping this blog is something I am constantly checking my motives on. They are not perfect... I don't think I've done very many truly, completely selfless things in my life (if any!)  and keeping this blog is no exception. I am utterly susceptible to pride and vanity and I have to constantly watch my motives. But... I want this to be a place where God is glorified, and I see myself for what I am...

...a sinner saved by grace.

Resolution 11: Getting your head around it...

11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don't hinder.

Questions, questions, questions... I don't think there's been a moment, as a christian, that I haven't had questions... "Why has God allowed this situation to happen?", "What does this bit of the Bible mean?", "How can God be both just and merciful?" Questions are part and parcel of being a christian and I think sometimes we can be scared of them... worried that we are becoming a "doubting Thomas". Actually, God's not scared of our questions, he's not worried he won't be able to answer them and he wants us to be real and honest about what's going on in our heads.

Edward's, here, is advocating honesty about our questions - firstly, recognising that we don't have the answers to everything, that there are certain things about God I can't get my head round, or I don't understand... and he urges us not to sweep them away, pretend they aren't there, bury them under the carpet... No. I'm to "do what I can towards solving it"... search the Scriptures, ask someone I respect, pray that God will reveal the truth to me, read a book on the issue...

One book that I highly recommend is Roger Carswell's "Grill a Christian"... the book is just a collection of questions people have about God, and Carswell is really easy to read and clear in his answers. I've leant this book out to a couple of friends recently, and they seem to be finding it useful and interesting! Worth checking out if you have questions, and want, as Edwards says, to "do what you can towards solving it."

Obviously, there are some questions that I will never know the answer to... that's life. Some things I will never get my head around this side of eternity. But I can trust that God is good. And that HE knows the answers to all of life's questions...

Resolution 10: ?!!?

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

I'll be totally honest with you. When I read this resolution I thought "Oh no! What on earth am I gonna write for this one?!" I tried to think of a million reasons I could come up with for "accidentally" jumping to resolution number 11, or just blogging on my bathroom plans, or posting pictures of Ava... or just changing my "Monday Resolutions" posts. Everything inside me cried out "I don't want to blog on this!" Why? A number of reasons... firstly, I know a lot of you reading this blog aren't christians, and I don't want talk of martyrdom and hell to send you running from what I believe is genuinely the best news you'll ever hear. Secondly, because I'm chicken and I don't want people to judge me, or think I'm some bible-bashing fundamentalist. Ultimately, it's because I care more about what you guys think about me than I do about what God thinks of me... and that's my issue.

Hell, in the Bible, is not meant to be scaremongering... it's not a place God delights in, or enjoys, or wants people to go to. The Bible says its where God isn't present... everything fundamentally good about God - justice, goodness, mercy, love... that is absent. And the whole of the Bible is all about God's massive rescue plan, to provide an escape route so that people don't have to go there! But ultimately, he gives each of us a choice... to accept the escape route (Jesus!) or to decide we actually don't want God in our lives... we'd rather live life our own way... and that's what hell is. Ultimately, it's God saying "Here you are then... have it your way" and in Genesis 6 we see that people's rebellion literally breaks God's heart. He "hands us over" (Romans 1) to what we want... and all its consequences.

So I haven't really blogged on what this resolution is all about. I think, again, its Edwards trying to put present suffering and pain into perspective and seeing that any earthly pain we experience - sickness, grief, death, suffering... is temporary and cannot compare with the pain of those who reject God, and that God has done everything it took (to the extent of allowing his own son to die on our behalf) to make it possible for people to be able to be in heaven, where there is no sickness, no mourning, no crying and no death... he literally longs for people to take the escape route.

So, no, I don't enjoy blogging on this topic... but God reveals it to us because he wants so much for us to jump onboard the rescue plan and instead see all that life was meant to be... in Him. 

Resolution 9: The big taboo topic...

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

Politics, religion, death... probably the big three taboo subjects in our culture... the kind of topics that will put a halt to a flowing conversation, or create that awkward silence we all want to avoid. And yet death is real... it affects us all - we all have loved ones who pass on, and ultimately we will all face that inevitable statistic ourselves - 1 out of 1 people die.

But that's a bit morbid! Why on earth am I writing about death? Why on earth does Edwards want to "think much" about his death... never mind in all circumstances?!!

I think what Edwards was getting to here was an issue of perspective... John Keene writes...

Thinking much about death should place upon us such humility and soberness due to our truly frail state that we realize it is only by God’s hand—His grace—that we live each day. Thinking much about our own dying and the events surrounding that fact would keep us in line as a daily reality check, if you will. Our material desires would fade away, our pride and boastfulness should wither, and our passion for the gospel should grow. It is Christ we need for He is our all-sufficient Savior and the object of our deepest joys. And it is by our own death that we go to see His shining face. Be not afraid of it.


As believers in Christ, death is not the end... it is actually the gateway into God's presence, the welcome into the eternal city. Thinking much on death is therefore not morbid... it simply reminds us of the frailty of our humanity... and the great hope of heaven we have.

Resolution 8: Of whom I am the worst...

8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

The apostle Paul summarised this resolution in a nutshell; "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners: of whom I am the worst" (1 Tim 1:15, The Bible). It is true to say that the more I understand the greatness of God, and the extent of Jesus' sacrificial love for me, the more I see my own heart for what it is - self-obsessive, judgemental, overly concerned with others opinions of me...

"Thats a bit extreme!" you might say. Perhaps to the outsider, I look like a pretty decent person. I go to church, I care for my husband and daughter, I look after my friends kids, I give to charity... but on the inside, I know the desires and motivations of my heart are often self-centred... no matter how hard I try, it seems my heart is unable to do "good" without some slightly corrupt motivation.

We could allow this kind of self-analysis to break us... but that's the beauty of the cross. I don't need to be perfect, because Jesus has done it for me. I don't need to pretend to be something I'm not... he knows who I am. Right to the core. He sees everything. He knows me better than I know myself...

And that also then frees me up to forgive others, to overlook the faults and failures of those around me, because I see my own so clearly. At least that is what Edwards is calling us here to strive to... not to delight in the failures of others, or to be relieved that we haven't made the same mistakes, or even to pity them... but instead to see my own faults more clearly, fling myself upon the cross and rejoice that my Saviour has freed me from the burden of self-criticism and instead allows my sin to point me to grace.

Resolution 7: A country music proverb

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
19. Resolved, never to do anything which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour before I should hear the last trump.

My Dad's a big fan of the USA and so we took a lot of family holidays out to the States as I was growing up. One of the things I've picked up from those trips is a love of country music. I love a bit of Tim McGraw, Randy Travis and Rascal Flatts... when I read this resolution, it made me thing of one of those songs that I love... Tim McGraw's "Live like you were dying"...

It's a bit of a morbid thought, to get the chance to live like you were dying, and I would never, never wish that upon anyone. I can't imagine what being in that situation must be like, and I have too many friends who have faced that situation, or are currently facing that situation, to begin to fathom how that must feel. But I guess being in that position perhaps gives you a new perspective on life... and amidst all the pain and heartache, must enable you to cherish the things that really matter, rather than getting caught up in the trappings of life that so often take things out of perspective.

Edwards wanted to live life with that perspective... he wanted to live his life through the filter of "what really matters"

Family?
Friendships?
Work?

Or is there a bigger meaning to life than even those things?

Edwards believed that only God truly mattered. That God brought meaning to his family, his friendships and his life's work...

and that was the window he wanted to view his last moments through...

Resolution 6: with all my might...

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live...

It's pretty much the anthem of the modern age; "make the most of life", "take risks, you only have one shot at it", "eat, drink and be merry". Living "with all our might" might be something you think we, in the 21st century, do pretty well. We don't settle for less than the best, we fight for our rights, we chase self-fulfillment and happiness, without always counting the cost... is this what Edwards is advocating?

Hmmm... I'd argue that perhaps, although we think we're living with all our might, perhaps we're not... to do anything with "all my might" requires determination, perseverance, purpose and energy. These are sadly NOT words that describe a lot of my life (try time-wasting, faffing, internet-surfing, Facebook reading, apathy, procrastinating, creating beautiful "to do" lists, rather than getting on and doing the things on them... anyone else guilty of that?!) No! That is NOT living with all my might!

I think what Edwards had in mind here was something much more than simply enjoying life... this is Carpe Diem in action... it means making the most of life, being purposeful in your use of time, your friendships, your priorities. It means knowing how to relax well, to enjoy creation and friendships and family, to work hard and enjoy a sense of achievement, to "expect great things from God and attempt great things for God" (Carey)

It sadly doesn't give me license to stop doing the mundane things (Oh, I won't bother ironing those shirts, because what does that really count for in the grand scheme of things... ironing is not "living with all my might!") No, when I'm doing the ironing I'm serving my family... I'm being purposeful in prioritising them and their needs and that brings glory to God.

Ultimately, to live with all my might is impossible if I'm not living with the Almighty... the one who created life and said "I have come that they (as in us!) may have life, and have it to the full"(John 10:10: The Bible). Jesus brings true enjoyment of life, true satisfaction and true fulfilment.

So, lets get living today... and do it "with all my might"!